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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Frozen Flame Friend Flydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: particularshard
    ASL Info:    23/m/DC
    Elite Ratio:    4.21 - 1159/1392/363
    Words: 216
    Class/Type: Poetry/The pain inside
    Total Views: 387
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1399



    Description:
       Angry - tired. Tired of acting as a suitable target for the intermittent rages of others. I tolerate out of incipient love, but i've never been so good at balance, and Winter has always been my season of hate. God help me but I try....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFrozen Flame Friend Flydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Frozen:
    I know I should stop talking now -
    I know I'll regret what I'll say.
    My emotions are frozen,
    And I feel nothing but cold.
    Still, I know the heat I might summon
    Will do more than warm my brittle bones;
    It will burn you away,
    And you'll be lost to the

    Flame:
    It burns within me unbidden.
    Enraged, I try to contain it.
    The conflagration begs for release -
    If I let it, it would burn my whole life down,
    Leaving me clean and pure.
    It would just be such a large step,
    A large and imprecise step,
    To suddenly make ashes of a

    Friend:
    Someone who I favor and attend,
    But who cannot or will not become Family.
    I go great lengths for these,
    Even beyond my short temper.
    Just the same,
    Longer evaluation sometimes shows
    Risks inherent in these characters -
    Fatal flaws or weights so I won't

    Fly:
    I must spread my wings and soar -
    What else could they be for?
    I conduct my world through sweet entropy,
    Chaotic remnants all this life has meant to me.
    The stars are stagelights to my ascent,
    The Earth a canvas for my intent.
    There will be largess for those left behind,
    Frozen Flame Friend Fly, you're blind.




    Submitted on 2004-11-16 00:55:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Yes Yes Yes, orgasmic in a brain feasting kind of way! I loved the way you led into each verse. For me the tone came down on the first word of each verse to rise up again. Wonderful how words do that! It was clever how you brought all the words together in the last line. PS let your friend have his/her own mind and respect it! lol Quite spiritual for me in the last verse actually...it was almost like a little warning to your friend...stop now getting weird lol
    | Posted on 2004-11-20 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      As I read others comments, I find it slightly difficult to make a unique comment...what needed to be said had been said, but I think the break down was quite ingenious. Especially how the last line of the previous segment lead into the next. It kind of read the way a song is played, at least to me...very...nifty
    | Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]
      This must be you at your poetic best! The first thing that came to mind was the burning ice or methane hydrates found at the bottom of the ocean in large deposits. Also, I think I know exactly what you're saying, but since we are worlds apart, I cannot be certain. I am somewhat like the speaker here. If I let myself go even for a moment, I would burst into that ice-inferno and consume the little I have managed to gather around me that has any worth. Maybe I'm missing the point though, nonetheless an excellent work of art.
    | Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      the alliterated intro of each strophe=amusing.
    frozen
    friend
    flame
    fly
    interesting...seems similar to an alcohol induced epiphany I had once, but never the mind...you seem like a particular shard of your own mind, quite intriguing, yet haunting. I do like your style. I find it interesting to find one that disturbs me more than I do.

    Frozen:
    I know I should stop talking now -
    I know I'll regret what I'll say.
    My emotions are frozen,
    And I feel nothing but cold.
    Still, I know the heat I might summon
    Will do more than warm my brittle bones;
    It will burn you away,
    And you'll be lost to the

    [and yes I am gasping for breathe...for the next wor-

    Friend:
    Someone who I favor and attend,
    But who cannot or will not become Family.
    I go great lengths for these,
    Even beyond my short temper.
    Just the same,
    Longer evaluation sometimes shows
    Risks inherent in these characters -
    Fatal flaws or weights so I won't

    [and it hurts me now...I'm left with shards...I suppose it's what you wanted...]

    <gasping and pulling for-

    Fly:
    I must spread my wings and soar -
    What else could they be for?
    I conduct my world through sweet entropy,
    Chaotic remnants all this life has meant to me.
    The stars are stagelights to my ascent,
    The Earth a canvas for my intent.
    There will be largess for those left behind,
    Frozen Flame Friend Fly, you're blind.

    So I shall
    and I am...
    I've got no room left to pretend..

    flutter
    flicker
    failure
    fry
    | Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by Stalking Sylvia | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed the breakdown of this piece into 4 different segments.

    The frozen stanza was very clever and sucked me into reading the rest.

    I'd have to say that the Flame and Friend stanza's didn't really hold my interest. But that's just my opinion and doesn't really reflect anything about your writing. It's more just a direct representation of my current mood.

    The fly stanza was great, however. It gave a sense of need; desire. It also gave a sense of hope and longing.

    Overall, I enjoyed this very much. It was a neat breakdown and new take on a type of poetry.

    Good write.

    Rob
    | Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by Me Rambling | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey this was awesome. I liked the unusual format. It all had a nice flow too (something you once told me was a flaw to much of your work?) I liked each stanza for different reasons, but more than anything else, i liked the tone. It was almost as though I could hear your words before me between the strong words and steady rhythm. I liked the use of alliteration in the title as well. I can't really find anything wrong with this piece (of course i have been awake for too long at the moment...) so i guess I'll just resort to the typical "good write" bit. "Good write."
    -Drizzt
    | Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by Drizzt | [ Reply to This ]



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