Description: This is my first attempt at seduction. Any advice, help or any other construction views highly appreciated
Once a Virgin, Once, a Mum -------------------------------------------
Windkissed apples,
Delicious; reddened lips
swell him.
Blooming, a braided maid
brims and springs bare;
Silky soft,
milky white blossoms,
rarely beheld before,
tumble; he grasps;
The sweet taste bursts;
waters his mouth.
The wind maiden moans.
Softly, suppled limbs, limber
unearthing a core.
His fingers linger
"more" urged,
urgence thrust upon him.
His tongue trails
flicks, licks,
explores; her petals
pink, flowered
"more..." she breezes.
Lips drip sweet nothings
Bow bends;
billows and blows.
Fruit falls
shuddering.
Fully plucked,
consumed.
Time slips
and winks.
Seedlings embedded
for an autumn harvest.
Oh hey look - this got alot of commentary. I don't know if this could quite be characterized as seduction perse; more like description of a sexual experience in a poetic cast. This is great on its own merits, but to be seduction one side is gonna need to 'seduce' (lit. lead). I think more accurately this would have to be called 'erotica' or something. I dunno, still an enjoyable read. shard
I think you've done a great job of writing something bordering on porn in a way that is both beautiful and innocent. I don't have a "cliché issue" with this one because you balance it so well. I'll keep reading you...
This is really pretty. You need to make the ellipsis a 3-dot one because there are only 3-dot (used for a brief omission or a trailing away) and 4-dot ellipses (only used for an omission of more than a sentence). I think your symbolism is too traditional. Flowers and fruit are overused as symbols of female sex organs and feritility. Try to find something else.
Lust/ seduction, tomato, tomatoes.Yes there is a level of lust but its more seductive as a whole. Leaving the mind to ponder "Windkissed apples, Delicious", and "Bow bends;billows and blows.Fruit falls shuddering.". Lets just face it, its a good poem. Very deep and intamate with out having to be to overly descriptive. What Mr. Shilton posted is far to accurate. Keep lovin the pen and watch the paper luv you back, as long as you keep what you write true to life.
i definately enjoyed this. but it was definately better on the second read though for me. there were so many metephors i felt a little distracted. but it was very sensual in an intellectual kind of way, not a very passionate way. still nice though. once i read through it again with the image in my mind i enjoyed it a lot more. look forward to your future work.
Looks as if you revised the word lust to seduction, but erotica or romanticism may even be applicable. One word I felt might have been mis-used was beholden. Rather than speaking of being held, it usually means indebted to, as in the peasant was beholden to his lord. That's a small, easily edited thing. I liked the mood you spun here, nice diction, welcome to Elite Dave
First off, welcome to elite. This seemed more of a story of what happened than lust to me. The passion and fire that lust requires seem to be missing, but all in all, a good first attempt.
yeah...wasnt lust...try adding a bit more sexual content for that...try reading my poems, Sweet Corruption pt 1 and 2...maybe it will give you an idea or 2...
As far as lust would go that wasn't it. Lust is very hot, passionate, detailed. Add some more to it. Get "dirty' if you will. That's just my opinion though.
Submission Name: Once a Virgin, Once, a Mum
