Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Paranoiadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: elephantasia
    ASL Info:    37/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 398/490/159
    Words: 41
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 780
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 351



    Description:
       
    Please review cos not sure about this


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsParanoiadots
    -------------------------------------------


    One thought, Many angles,
    sharp pointed, rotated,
    heart strung; contorted.
    Sickness; gut twisted.
    Black; coloured; distorted.
    White noise, eyes blinded,
    Sound mind is aborted
    Sanity short circuited,
    con-fuses are shorted
    Iím drown-ed in my head.
    from one paranoid thought.




    Submitted on 2004-11-16 16:47:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      your poem...confusing at first, but when put in the context of a paranoia theme you do then realise that when paranoid you dont think straight do you , it all multi thoughts, rapid thinking and a tangled web. then i read your poem again and it make so much more sense. i guess then you start to realise that things cannot be taken at face value...the deeper significance
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by frank bazaya | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it, I'm not really sure how to nit-pick it though, its hard to find those things just cause of the nature of the piece...I mean it was really good, just hard to condemn because of how and what its written about I enjoyed it quite a much...and being as paranoid as I am, can understand and relate...*what was that* I better go...good write

    ~Anarius~
    | Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by Anarius | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    32924

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Fasade written by jackz
    Etiquette written by saartha
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Cover written by saartha
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    prison written by ShyOne
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Carry written by saartha
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    Every..... written by jackz
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Yes written by poetotoe
    Records I written by Raphael
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry