[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Lust of my heartdots

    Author: hollowshell
    Elite Ratio:    2.85 - 39/40/14
    Words: 235
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1187
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1595

       I originally submitted this poem on my old account, just thought i would add it to my collection on my perm account. Feedback would be great, but be gentle with me, was my first poem. All the feedback i recieved before was greatly appreciated, anyone feels they want to offer new feedback, thanks.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLust of my heartdots

    You get used to the nights alone,
    the linear events of your life,
    the gutwrenching feelings of rejection
    and the cold release of the knife.

    It pains you to know all hope is lost,
    ripped from your chest, along with your heart.
    Razor thin slices of regret,
    predicitable issues from the start.

    Slice my throat, rip into the wound,
    devour my arms and legs just to start.
    Murder me with your silent promises,
    just take away the lust of my heart.

    That final feeling long sought after,
    that feeling of being in love delivered strong.
    Delivered like an execution,
    another relationship gone wrong.

    You tell yourself this time will be different,
    this time i will be saved.
    Save your optimism for your funeral,
    your pointless feelings engraved.

    Slice my throat, rip into the wound,
    devour my arms and legs just to start.
    Murder me with your silent promises,
    just take away the lust of my heart.

    Bury yourself in your room,
    bury yourself in a song,
    bury yourself in your destructive life,
    the pain is just far too long.

    Lying kisses, false happiness,
    in the pain of a misleading touch.
    Imbedded loneliness everlasting,
    the charade was just too much.

    Slice my throat, rip into the wound,
    cyanide kisses as i depart.
    I hope your selfish desires were worth it,
    death will release the lust of my heart.

    Submitted on 2004-11-16 18:46:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      did you mean destructive life? on stanza 7
    and again you were successful on getting your point aross you were better on your stanzas
    spellcheck.net it's free online
    | Posted on 2005-03-15 00:00:00 | by littlepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      It would make a really good song. For some reason I got the tune of "Rodeo" by Garth Brooks just without the countryness to it if that makes any sense at all. It was a good poem though. That's about how I feel about relationships. To me, it's a waste of time to even try now a days. If you don't give it up within an alloted time, kiss that one good bye. It's ridiculous. Anyway, good write once again. I'm really enjoying your work. Keep me posted will ya?
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by Holy Wood | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Every..... written by jackz
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Push written by JanePlane
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Carry written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Fasade written by jackz
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    AI written by poetotoe
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]