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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Pretty Blue Nothingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MerryDeath
    ASL Info:    20/f/Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    4.47 - 348/358/72
    Words: 95
    Class/Type: Prose/I hate you
    Total Views: 1352
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 776



    Description:
       no punctuation on purpose... another artsy poem. i like the spaces. it's bouncy. :)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPretty Blue Nothingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You pretty blue nothing
           I'd like you to know
    I am tumbling down a well
    You punctured my heart
           Made it leak
           Made it bleed
    My revenge is the taste of your blood
    Metallic and sweet like you never were
    When the lights go out- you're there
    I want to kill your darkness
    I want to taste your sin
    Make you swallow your words
    As you eat my tongue

    My pretty blue nothing
           You are mine
    My blue nothing
           You're not pretty anymore
    Not to me






    Submitted on 2004-11-16 23:18:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      oooh, love the imagery, especially that of
    'I want to taste your sin
    Make you swallow your words
    As you eat my tongue'
    Something seems off though...perhapse the lack of punctuation.
    | Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by I_Bleed_Ink | [ Reply to This ]
      I also like the spaces and the lack of punctuation it makes it flow easier if the reader just reads it. I hate when things are over punctuated. i think this poem is powerful without it. A nice pace and tempo to it. i especially liked the line 'I want to taste your sin' it is powerful and original.

    good poem!
    | Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by death22881 | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this. Every bit of it...although, some of it sounds like something I would write (which kind of annoys me...because it makes me feel strange). Anyways, really terrific.
    | Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by Abby Sinthetic | [ Reply to This ]
      a very interesting piece, although some parts didn't sit well with me. they felt like you wrote them only because they sounded good but they don't actually make sense. however, i did like it as a whole and i loved the format. keep writing.
    | Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by aliciaflower04 | [ Reply to This ]
      A very dark poem.
    One thiing that it lacks is consistancy
    I feel the choice of words are excellant at some places, and in others its a tad ordinary.
    A good poem though !
    | Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by moaxcym | [ Reply to This ]


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