Description: i found the first stanza littered among some papers of mine from high school... so i sat down to try and finish it.. it so happens that i'm just getting out of a relationship though i still love him very much... we still talk.. but he pissed me off and i'm retliating... the end doesn't sound right, but i got nothin else... oh.. and the title needs to be better.. haven't thought of anything yet, but i don't like to leave it "untitled"
time to realize -------------------------------------------
I think it's time you've realized
nothing means nothing to me anymore.
I've dreamt so much that I can't sleep
and none of my dreams have come true.
You've held me back far too long.
Our love, it still exists;
but all the stars up in the sky
could never grant your wish.
I think it's time you've realized
I'm sick of being hurt.
That I'm sick of being stepped on,
being treated like I'm dirt.
You know you're not a little boy
so learn to be a man,
and take this with a grain of salt.
I hope you'll understand.
I think it's time you've realized
our relationship is dead.
I don't care if I'm a bitch
though i'm sorry it's the end.
I agree-gree. Take a rewrite to the firt 2 stanzas and make them match and flow lyke the others (That are very good by the way) and you’ll have something special…
it's sort of good, it's sort of not. i think you try really hard to make rhymes and it takes away from the poem yo. it's a good concept but i don't know. good effort <3
there were some lines in this piece that i loved, "I've dreamt so much that I can't sleep" for instance, but some things that irked me were that your rhyme scheme seemed skewed. you didn't rhyme at all the first two stanzas, but the last three you formed a pattern. that was probably intentional and that's fine. and the second line just didn't sit well with me...even though i'm sure you figured it was a good metaphore. i liked it on a whole and i think the message is good. this person didn't treat you well and you didn't tolerate it anymore. good job.
seems like it came straight from the heart ! Your poems seems simple but true. I can endorse your views since I have been feelig the same about my relationship, too. As for guidelines, I feel as if you have or had lost the sense of reality. Or atleast that is the expression on gets on the start of poem. A differant diction would have made it more evident.
THe poem did go sideways rather than forward. THe lines in the first stanza were good as was the third. the rhyming was as aliciaflower04 said went off a little. like a spliced poem added to another. themes were very well developed throughout but the stanzas need to link to each to each other better.
The tone of your poem came acros well. Flowed well mostly, but some lines threw it out in meter. I would like to see this re thpught about and re-written as I fell it can be more than it is. Rhyming needs to be worked on.
Submission Name: time to realize
