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    dots Submission Name: time to realizedots

    Author: besodemuerte
    ASL Info:    31/f/pa
    Elite Ratio:    5.83 - 242/253/27
    Words: 129
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 1219
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 883


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    dotstime to realizedots

    I think it's time you've realized
    nothing means nothing to me anymore.
    I've dreamt so much that I can't sleep
    and none of my dreams have come true.

    You've held me back far too long.
    Our love, it still exists;
    but all the stars up in the sky
    could never grant your wish.

    I think it's time you've realized
    I'm sick of being hurt.
    That I'm sick of being stepped on,
    being treated like I'm dirt.

    You know you're not a little boy
    so learn to be a man,
    and take this with a grain of salt.
    I hope you'll understand.

    I think it's time you've realized
    our relationship is dead.
    I don't care if I'm a bitch
    though i'm sorry it's the end.

    Submitted on 2004-11-16 23:38:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I agree-gree. Take a rewrite to the firt 2 stanzas and make them match and flow lyke the others (That are very good by the way) and you’ll have something special…

    Peace, love and cripples
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
      it's sort of good, it's sort of not. i think you try really hard to make rhymes and it takes away from the poem yo. it's a good concept but i don't know. good effort <3
    | Posted on 2005-01-07 00:00:00 | by Lemmy | [ Reply to This ]
      there were some lines in this piece that i loved,
    "I've dreamt so much that I can't sleep" for instance, but some things that irked me were that your rhyme scheme seemed skewed. you didn't rhyme at all the first two stanzas, but the last three you formed a pattern. that was probably intentional and that's fine. and the second line just didn't sit well with me...even though i'm sure you figured it was a good metaphore. i liked it on a whole and i think the message is good. this person didn't treat you well and you didn't tolerate it anymore. good job.
    | Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by aliciaflower04 | [ Reply to This ]
      seems like it came straight from the heart !
    Your poems seems simple but true.
    I can endorse your views since I have been feelig the same about my relationship, too.
    As for guidelines, I feel as if you have or had lost the sense of reality. Or atleast that is the expression on gets on the start of poem. A differant diction would have made it more evident.
    | Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by moaxcym | [ Reply to This ]
      THe poem did go sideways rather than forward. THe lines in the first stanza were good as was the third. the rhyming was as aliciaflower04 said went off a little. like a spliced poem added to another. themes were very well developed throughout but the stanzas need to link to each to each other better.
    | Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by death22881 | [ Reply to This ]
      'I think its time you've realised'.
    Hmm, I am not sure but I dont think this line is right.

    you've is short for 'you have'. I think its time you have realised...now that doesnt make sense.

    I think it is just meant to be 'i think its time you realised'.

    Sorry, I can't help it, these things just really stand out to me!
    Great poem though! Honest and from your heart
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by words_can_heal | [ Reply to This ]
      The tone of your poem came acros well. Flowed well mostly, but some lines threw it out in meter. I would like to see this re thpught about and re-written as I fell it can be more than it is. Rhyming needs to be worked on.
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]

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