Description: An excerp from a poem I found tonight that I had written- along with a journal entry. In reading these words again, emotions awaken with such underestimated force as I could never remember during that time.
In Question -------------------------------------------
Where will we go tomorrow
The future's shrouded in a great shadow
Anytime, the light might fade
These shadows do not provide a safe shade
They hinder us-
...blocking us from the rest.
Wow. Short and sweet. So much said in such little words. I could really feel a flow. Not from stanza to stanza, but word to word. Then again, there is only one stanza. A very to the point poem. Not to many out there. Too many are writing on and on about what was already established. I would like to read this entire poem some day. You did say it was only a bit of one, correct. If so, put the entire piece up. The rhyme scheme was a little funky, but overall I liked it alot. ~Monty
These shadows do not provide a safe shade... Very interesting. Short, I must admit, but interesting. Shadows... lies we hide in? false security and comforts? The meaning is vague but it implies much. It is a warning to not rely on what you can see by light and shadow for they are 'blocking us from the rest'. The rest of what? I am assuming the rest of the world, of life, of truth- all that we can't see. I would love to see the rest of this... if you would be so kind. It remains intruiging to my mind. -Ari
i'm not sure what you''re trying to say here. well i am, just not sure if it's effective. it's 6am i can't be bothered to explain. i felt the last line was clumsy 'blocking us from the rest', 'the rest' should be replaced.
Shadows are what hide us , and posibly shade us from life, hiding all the bad, but also hiding all the good, so ewe are stuck in a world of nothingness, never feeling, or never wanting to feel, forever a cycle of being alone, not sure if that's what you meant but that's what I received from the poem. YOu also touch on the light and dark contrast, you begin to say ohw the light comes so wuickly , but can vanish even faster, never letting you have a chance to move out of your shadow into the dark. I think the poem that you have written here is beautiful, way to short, There are at least two ideas that you could elaberate and tie better together in a longer peice, you have the imagery and feeling though, and that is what makes it an amanzing peice. I think that adding puncutation, would slow it down and add a better more reflective and feeling filled feel to it, but other than that an amazing peice. I can't really tell you my favorite part because I liked it all, I hope one day you might extend it, but until then thatnks for the post, and take care. much love kaity
Submission Name: In Question
