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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Creating New Realitiesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: elephantasia
    ASL Info:    37/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 398/490/160
    Words: 170
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 625
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 979



    Description:
       Wicked stepmother's really are in their own little fairytale.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCreating New Realitiesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    She created a world
    A world
    In which I was scared to live
    A scary place in which
    She had nothing good to give
    I took her world and made it mine
    For I knew no better
    At that time.

    She created a world.

    It was her world
    In it she was the wild, raging sea,
    And I merely a surfer
    Threatened by her ever turning tide.
    Her aim to be safer
    And she was;
    A prisoner harboured in her own storm
    Violence out-bursting in waves.
    Thrashing at me.

    I learned navigation...for survival
    but as I grew
    Somehow I knew
    Her world was not for me.

    She created a world.
    A world in which I believed.
    That I had been taught to believe in
    That I decided was not for me.

    What could I do?

    I sailed away from her world
    And created one for me!




    Submitted on 2004-11-17 01:03:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this poem, it flows beautifully off the page.

    She created a world.
    A world in which I believed.
    That I had been taught to believe in
    That I decided was not for me.

    This verse is lovely, the idea of her world and the fact that you believed in it for a while but you found out that you didnt belong. This is a universal issue and something that we can all relate to.
    I also love the way the poem ends
    I sailed away from her world
    And created one for me!

    this creates interesting imagery, and seals the poem off, leaving me completely satisfied.
    Good Work.
    One thing, PLEASE title it. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by words_can_heal | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this piece, how you realized what a painful folly she lived, and chose not to live it also. In the first line
    you could use

    "She created a whorl
    a world..." and in the next stanza

    "She created a whirl
    a world.."
    It creates some subtle meanings and fits with the piece, also it breaks the repetition of using "world". There is only one reponse for persons like this "Please keep your hell to yourself." Glad you sailed away. It's a good write!
    best, nansofast
    | Posted on 2004-11-26 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]


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