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    dots Submission Name: cold coffee and cigarettesdots

    Author: wilderness
    ASL Info:    23/M/Surrey, UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.19 - 252/359/86
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 2312
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1008

       i'm tired, and missing you

    this just came out

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotscold coffee and cigarettesdots


    she screws her words
    kisses the wood
    into cold sex splinters

    but then

    the decibel of you tuned
    the sweetest melodies
    nostalgia of the 7"
    the crackle and the spit
    of roaring open fires
    as we devoured the music
    and sank a little deeper

    i wish i could hold you without
    crushing your air
    but your breath is pure oxygen
    inebriating euphoria
    and i'm addict
    and panther
    deadly cat on the prowl
    singing the lust of the kill

    we could steal
    a few more hours
    wring a little water
    from this sinking stone
    for i know how thirsty you get
    painting those empty swimming pools
    in the freezing winter of your room

    but london bridge is falling down
    and experts cite water damage
    as their greatest concern

    Submitted on 2004-11-17 01:27:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Alright, so I really like this. It reminds me a lot of some of my writing, which is a strange feelings since you're a 23 year old male. I like how you use nouns and adjectives that a writer that would not normally use to convey emotions and images. Speaking of images, your imagery is concise, poetic, and spot on. Very good grasshopper, very good. ;)


    Post. Script. Check out The Mental Art on my page, or Magnet Poetry. You might enjoy them.
    | Posted on 2007-07-23 00:00:00 | by Waywarddaughter | [ Reply to This ]
      well good sir
    this pice is pure magic its so beautiful. this reminds me of my past so verry much and usually its a bad thing but not here not now you brought tears to my eyes (and im not to light hearted to be honest) this is a work of art thank you

    that girl
    | Posted on 2005-12-26 00:00:00 | by sweet sorenity | [ Reply to This ]
      i have fallen in love with your poetry. i thought some things ive done were clever. you make me seem like a jaded dr. suess fan.. ive read several of your poems but i decided to comment on your featured piece. it is as all the others were. totally mindblowing to the point of frightening. it isnt possible thast you plan these to be this awesome. i could aim for this but never ever get there. its the throwing together of thoughts and miraculously things like this appear. i am truly blown away.
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
      this isnt imagery, this is abstract art. surrealism. and a good show at that ole bean. i like the way how there are multiple independent ideas that, although stand alone, in the end hold each other's hand to give the piece a new meaning.
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by serpentarius | [ Reply to This ]
      i love this.. i love the title (although i dont think it goes entirely with the poem)... and as for the poem itself.. stunning imagery.
    it feels fresh and raw at the same time.. and the 'decibel' stanza is just outstanding... the whole poem is incredible. i cant seem to put a coherent sentence together after reading it but that just tells you the power of this poem.
    | Posted on 2004-12-28 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      The lines :
    "and i'm addict
    and panther
    deadly cat on the prowl
    singing the lust of the kill"
    That line touched me because it is just what iam and what i will always be i can relate to your writings and that is a first in any artist i usally read other peoples poems and say "umm yeah cus this makes any sense to me" but this poem tottaly reached out a slapped me... it was a great read and i hope to see some more great ones from you...
    | Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by Silent_screems | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the double entendre of "nostalgia of the 7"." I also like "she screws her words/kisses the wood/into cold sex splinters." This is surreal. The bit about painting empty swimming pools reminds me of my ex, but that's another story. This is probably the best thing I've read from you.
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      amazing! The personification of the flames and the mood are outstandingly visual. It makes me feel as though I were sitting by the fire, cigarette in hand and Jazz spinning on the turntable. Salude
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by cainboy | [ Reply to This ]
      holy [censored] man...damn the line about holding her without crushing her oxygen is the best i've read in a long time UNTIL i got to the painting swimming pools and that's got to be one of the best bits of poetry i've ever read..made me jealous...damn.
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]
      were it that more writers were this confident - maybe this just came out of you, but there isn't a weakness in here for people to pick at. it's complete and a power on its own. what a wonderful trip to take, although the title i think is underwhelming compared to the rocket launch of the actual piece. excellent job and such a fave. =]

    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]

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