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    dots Submission Name: Sexual Fulfillmentdots

    Author: words_can_heal
    ASL Info:    22 Female
    Elite Ratio:    3.56 - 79/111/22
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1296
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 747

       Just a little somethin.
    Again, I write from my experiences. I hope you like it.
    Questions or queries , I do answer. Sorry for it being another sad one!.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSexual Fulfillmentdots

    I feel his thumb fumbling with the clasp of my bra...
    It comes undone and the lace falles beneath us.
    My breasts are free for him to touch
    His warm embrace sooths my pain
    He gently shuffles my underwear down past my ankles.

    I lie before him entirely nude. Breathless.
    I want to be one with him forever.
    Our bodies mesh and our pain collides.
    Tears slowly stream down my cheeks
    The tears are caught by his kisses.
    As we rock gently in tune with one another.

    The heightened pure pleasure.
    The light headed loss of control.
    Its over.

    He rolls over.
    I stare at the ceiling.
    I'm just as empty as I was before.

    Submitted on 2004-11-17 02:13:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Donít change a thing- forget those other suckers! That was awesome. It had some awe, yeaímean? A sniglett for those who have no idea what Iím saying. Look, it was good- screw direct and big words and what ever else they say. Yashkoba! I truly did love it. Rok, rok on!!! ~#6-
    | Posted on 2004-11-18 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
      You need some imagery, something vivid. This is just dry; it reads more like fiction than poetry. Actually it's written as plainly as a newspaper article. You also need to look at your grammar and spelling closely.
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      you're being very obvious with your words. i don't think this should be revised, leave it alone. take the subject and try again. think about the feel of the moment, the smells, the sounds. try and paint something abstract with your words, something we can use our imaginations with, this left very little for that.
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by wilderness | [ Reply to This ]
      i do like aspects of this poem, i like the fact that you dont shie away from the realism, but you don't go quite far enough into it either. the ending is a tad abrupt and the title doesn't really do it justice
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by ellisa | [ Reply to This ]

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