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Bittersweet


Author: Imari
ASL Info:    17/F/Deutschland
Elite Ratio:    4.46 - 36 /67 /27
Words: 52
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1151
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 501



Description:


Cursed Rhyming. This is a bit of a 'mad-man's' poem... contridiction galore... have fun with it, and, once more, speak your mind.


Bittersweet



Lying
I'm lying
I smile
It's all fine

Loveless
I'm loveless
I'm happy
I'm listless

Bitter
But sweeter
I savor
This fever

Crying
I'm crying
I'm laughing
I'm all right

Hiding
I'm hiding
But waiting
For finding

Bitter
But sweeter
I savor
This fever




Submitted on 2004-11-17 09:31:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I like it, it flows well and it's fast paced, my favortie lines are...
"Bitter
But sweeter
I savor
This fever"
It's a cool collection of words, they flow well together. Good write.
-Tom
| Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
  This was really fun to read, props to you.
"Bitter
But sweeter
I savor
This fever"
This wording is excellent, the way it almost rhymes, and in my opinion the other stanzas, "Lying I'm lying", "loveless I'm loveless", etc. would benefit from that same thing, without the repeating of the word. Just my thoughts, I think it's great stuff.
| Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by rounin | [ Reply to This ]
  the flow is cool on this one - just the content could be made a lil clearer- i like untraditional poetry - so overall i say let people make of it what they will...
| Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by nicegurlintx | [ Reply to This ]
  I love the rhythm created by the parallel structure and repitition. I completely relate to the subject matter. Awesome job.
| Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by Luckyduck | [ Reply to This ]
  I agree I love the flow of this one. It all just fits together perfectly. I think the best part was.

Bitter
But sweeter
I savor
This fever

I dont know why I just loved that part. keep up the good work.
| Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by FeelingAlive | [ Reply to This ]
  Bitter
But sweeter
I savor
This fever

fave part, like how its repeated. I like your stanzas, in each one you pose such contradicting statements, very nice, makes the reader think. I like the fact that it is short, like short and snappy, ya know? Very nice:)

->Dark
| Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by drk_angl_17 | [ Reply to This ]
  its really hard to write this kind of thing, simple and uncomplicated but effective. so well done on writing something which rhymes without the next line being really predictable...:)
| Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by ellisa | [ Reply to This ]


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