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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Mortifying Indulgencedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ViCiOuSWrItEr
    ASL Info:    18/Female/Desolate
    Elite Ratio:    3.97 - 890/865/108
    Words: 237
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 825
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1415



    Description:
       I can't sleep..... in result of these.... I will have more typed out soon.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMortifying Indulgencedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Silky secrets bleed from open sores, tracked across my skin. Metalic juice drips onto ghost hands composted of latex and talc. Victim looks as tthough suffered mental distress, suicide, waiting impatiently on the floor in Sunday's dress. "My dear friend Jesus," she wrote, "I've come to take your place, get off my cross." When love's gravest controversy arrived, they were 10 seconds to late. Snow princess impressed the concrete and produced mortar angels, crying acid cracks, collapsing their faces. Cloudy stones replaced my diamond eyes, and worthless words melted lonely in my dead palms. Athiest tears dissolve the mediocrity in simple death, and even Mephistopheles took a bow to my creativity. Nestling quietly in my own underworld, I delivered a queen urchin for all to believe, allowance to decieve. Chaos kisses my lips, my prince of darkness has arrived, had you felt sick and deprived? I didn't expect you so soon. Sit and hold my claws in the night, when convienently enough, the stars stared falling from the sky, slicing my body, waiting for my next lie. The heavens consumed my remains, and licked the wounds of Romeo's pain. Covetous creature carries bouquets of thorns, that stab perfectly though each of my curious thoughts. Spasmodic gestures flinch, and my eyes crash tightly together, how I wish for my deranged head to be sevvered.




    Submitted on 2004-11-17 10:44:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      WOW! you are a legend! this is amazing!

    "My dear friend Jesus," she wrote, "I've come to take your place, get off my cross."

    wow! what a note... like seriously... i love it! though... im wondering if your cross is the one that saved the world or the one the bible says to take up daily...? either way its a legendary thought/line/image!

    bouquets of thorns, that stab perfectly though each of my curious thoughts.

    another allusion to the suffering of christ (whether intentional or not) very powerful...
    but i see that you dont just alude to Christ in this write but other gods and religions too... this is a real hotpot of death... take your pic... one of something of these will happen... why not merge them all and believe in everything... death is death...
    anyways this is a very morbid, very dark write but i quite like it...
    | Posted on 2004-11-20 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Noone commented because they were scared of the length of this poem! But I enjoyed reading it. The choice in wording was so good. I liked how detailed it was. Good job!
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by devonbracy | [ Reply to This ]
      whoa! this is sooo sooo cool! and yes very interesting too. lots of metaphors here, and all quite cool, see here now i understood most of the piece, and the parts abouit jesus was really great, like "My dear friend Jesus," she wrote, "I've come to take your place, get off my cross." , and many more too, sometimes you capture sympathy for the character, while in others you portray a near mad person, the transition between both of them is v ery well done indeed!

    so long time no see! see you around hopefully!

    Zu
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ]
      I seen your post in the Shoutbox so I thought I would come and read the poem that no'one commented on, so here goes...

    This is a morbidly interesting poem, I like it. You have a very good imagination and a great talent for writing. I don't know why nobody else commented on this poem... Keep on writing!

    -P1
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by psycho_1 | [ Reply to This ]


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