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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Forever, This Meaningdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Crimsonpathways
    Elite Ratio:    5.88 - 202/232/57
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 729
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 824



    Description:
       I wrote this a while ago and dug it up from my pile of school notebooks. I figured all of you might like to see it. Since I did not get many comments on my past two poems I also would ask that you could check them out. Thanks, and make sure to get the rhythm that you pause on punctuation...it helps.

    -Jess


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsForever, This Meaningdots
    -------------------------------------------


    There is a brighter side to darkness,
    And a darker side to the brightest light.
    The rainbows of tomorrow,
    Were the grey clouds of today.
    With every small child's passing,
    Another gift of life takes its place.
    I could sing this song forever,
    Different verses, different words.
    Yet the meaning would always be the same;
    Today is just a day, tomorrow yet to come.

    Stanzas and couples all alike,
    Touch only on perfect places.
    The world though is not perfect,
    Never was, and never will it be.
    Friends come and friends go,
    Like leaves fall from a tree.
    You will always have another,
    A precious white stone from the sea.
    I could sing this song forever,
    Let those stormy winds carry me.




    Submitted on 2004-11-17 15:11:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this was quite abstract.. giving it a feeling of it's own to the individual reader.. i think i like this one a bit more..

    "There is a brighter side to darkness,
    And a darker side to the brightest light."

    that caught my attention first thing.. but it seems so very true when you think about it.. good job on this *bow's slightly*..
    everyone seems to be writing well today.. this as well has earned a spot on my favs..
    good luck with your leg..
    Adam
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by Pyrosis | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like how you took a cliché and made it fresh by pointing out that it is a cliché. I would not change much of this one except maybe to add one more line. Your ending desnot feel finished. Maybe because you had several lines after the "I could sing this song forever" line in the first stanza, and the others are all pairs of contrasts. Maybe just adding one more line of contrast to complete the cylcle would work.
    jan
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this, it was pretty.. it could of been a bit more discriptive, but i got the basic feel, good write, keep it up, nice picture by the way..mysteriouse
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by poetsoul | [ Reply to This ]


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