Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Shortcut to Happinessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: eener
    ASL Info:    21/f/wi
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 351/370/53
    Words: 154
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 942
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1018



    Description:
       In the end what matters more: a perfect inside or a perfect outside? Which is harder to attain? Which will give you true happiness?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShortcut to Happinessdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Everyday you wore a fake face
    Over your real features to replace
    What you always felt was a trace
    Of highly imperfected space.

    It didn't stop there,
    Since you hated your hair,
    Your skin was overly fair,
    And your chest: much too bare.

    So into tanning you got stuck,
    And then you had a nip and tuck,
    Where you let arrogant surgeons pluck
    Nature away for many a buck.

    All to silence people as they stare
    At the new perfect body you now wear.
    How dare they even try to compare
    Themselves to your synthetic air.

    Too bad doctors aren't that smart
    To beautify your mind and heart,
    For their condition is a vital part
    Of the happiness you craved from the start.

    This you must do on your own,
    Since the amount of money you've thrown
    To look like perfection's clone,
    Won't matter when you end up alone.




    Submitted on 2004-11-17 15:38:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was very much today's society. Everyone feeling as if they have to be perfect on the outside for people. Not quite right. Love how you captured the emotions and things.
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes, some people are so obsessed with the outside that they don't realize that imperfections can be beautiful if the person is beautiful on the inside.
    I'm not sure that I liked the tight rhyme scheme, but it does not sound forced. it just tended to distract. But I do think it kept the poem from sounding bitter, instead.
    Overall a nicely done write.
    jan
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      Fu<king cool chica. Brilliant how you managed to come up with four rhyming words over and over again without making it sound the slightest bit forced. And the poem, so bloody true... congrats, you are now on my favorites list. and i want an encore- you're good at the satirical aspect of life! love- *md*
    | Posted on 2004-11-20 00:00:00 | by MerryDeath | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    33113

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    To written by SavedDragon
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Push written by JanePlane
    Giving written by jjd
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Linger written by saartha
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry