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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Shortcut to Happinessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: eener
    ASL Info:    21/f/wi
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 351/370/53
    Words: 154
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 923
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1018



    Description:
       In the end what matters more: a perfect inside or a perfect outside? Which is harder to attain? Which will give you true happiness?


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    dotsShortcut to Happinessdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Everyday you wore a fake face
    Over your real features to replace
    What you always felt was a trace
    Of highly imperfected space.

    It didn't stop there,
    Since you hated your hair,
    Your skin was overly fair,
    And your chest: much too bare.

    So into tanning you got stuck,
    And then you had a nip and tuck,
    Where you let arrogant surgeons pluck
    Nature away for many a buck.

    All to silence people as they stare
    At the new perfect body you now wear.
    How dare they even try to compare
    Themselves to your synthetic air.

    Too bad doctors aren't that smart
    To beautify your mind and heart,
    For their condition is a vital part
    Of the happiness you craved from the start.

    This you must do on your own,
    Since the amount of money you've thrown
    To look like perfection's clone,
    Won't matter when you end up alone.




    Submitted on 2004-11-17 15:38:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was very much today's society. Everyone feeling as if they have to be perfect on the outside for people. Not quite right. Love how you captured the emotions and things.
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes, some people are so obsessed with the outside that they don't realize that imperfections can be beautiful if the person is beautiful on the inside.
    I'm not sure that I liked the tight rhyme scheme, but it does not sound forced. it just tended to distract. But I do think it kept the poem from sounding bitter, instead.
    Overall a nicely done write.
    jan
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      Fu<king cool chica. Brilliant how you managed to come up with four rhyming words over and over again without making it sound the slightest bit forced. And the poem, so bloody true... congrats, you are now on my favorites list. and i want an encore- you're good at the satirical aspect of life! love- *md*
    | Posted on 2004-11-20 00:00:00 | by MerryDeath | [ Reply to This ]


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