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Aim


Author: folletti
ASL Info:    20/f/US,PA
Elite Ratio:    6.08 - 22 /21 /7
Words: 192
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 1206
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1114



Description:


Any suggestions or opinions are welcome.


Aim



Darling please excuse this digression
to my darker side I’ve found in another.
Please excuse this fascination
I’ve formed for something other
than our love I’ve found to be so real.
Somehow this still has more appeal.

You are my voice of sanity
I can’t afford to lose,
but fantasy over reality
is what I’m prone to choose.
God knows I can’t hold solid things,
and still somehow manage to keep these wings.

So darling, try to excuse this obsession
with somebody other than you,
because my real desire is to avoid perfection.
If I could I’d stop this thing I do.
It’s like a disease this masochism;
in the church of self, a horrid schism.

So darling, please excuse this delay
on the road to our eternal bliss.
If only I could make myself stay,
but forever I fear that – our final kiss.
So now I’ll slip back in my shell like a clam,
but darling, first, please excuse the way I am.




Submitted on 2004-11-17 16:04:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I really like this... you made the topic really interesting. Your rhymes are unique, keeping me surprised after each line. The most interesting thing is the tone you took... it seems that the tone and the subject matter are contrasting, making almost a comical combination. Very good work.
| Posted on 2004-11-18 00:00:00 | by Luckyduck | [ Reply to This ]
  Good work. I think I'm a tad confused on the background and the problem with what the girl is having or whatever. I'd love to have it explained to me because I enjoyed the poem. So if you could let me know so I could better understand the work please do. I enjoyed the word usage though. I Love words and you used so many neat ones.
| Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey there. The rhyme scheme was a bit trippy. But the poem itself wasn't bad. The topic is a little overdone, but you actually managed to write on it without boring me to tears. Great job my dear. Keep 'em coming. Much love.
| Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by Juliets_dagger | [ Reply to This ]


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