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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Used To Bedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ebflannery
    ASL Info:    24/
    Elite Ratio:    4.6 - 184/184/48
    Words: 63
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 277
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 406



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUsed To Bedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I used to be a big dreamer
    With big ideals and big plans
    Who looked towards the future
    With rose colored glasses
    And always saw grandeose possibilities
    I suppose that part of me
    Is simply in hibernation
    And will awaken when the sun warms
    My cold body and frozen happiness
    I long to feel giddy again
    But I've forgotten how to smile




    Submitted on 2004-11-17 19:26:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like how this poem relates to my real life sometimes. Personally, I don't care for puncuating things that are so obviously seperate thoughts, I don't thing the lack of it affects me in this poem at all. I hope you get your big dreams back.
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by solararia | [ Reply to This ]
      "but I've forgotten how to smile" doesn't quite fit the pattern, or the poetic scheme you set through the poem. Ahh few mistakes I noted.. second line I think you meant ideas not ideals.. 5th line, i never heard of the word grandeose.. but i guess there is the possibility that i havent heard of every english word in the dictionary. English isnt even my first language.. but I do know this next one. 8th line "awaken" is in the participle tense.. it should be infinitive.. which as you know is just "awake".. alright dude/girl (i think girl because of the rose coloured glasses line) either way.. good job!

    Bruno
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by brunov68 | [ Reply to This ]
      THere are two very distinct parts to the peom and it is a little hard to transition between the two, even breaking them up into stanzas might work better, and to add another one in the middle to expand an dcapture the readers attention by explaining more of what you really mean. Anyways not to be al negative because it is a great poem in whole. I love the way how you said how you use to be, I think that is very key to the poem, but try to expand that idea onto how you are now and what is different, Remember punctuation. Great poem and ideas, I hope you revise it, let me know if you do I would love to read it!
    much love
    kaity
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by Kaitylizzy | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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