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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Chaotic Thoughtsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Pyrosis
    ASL Info:    24/M/TN
    Elite Ratio:    4.13 - 199/204/35
    Words: 125
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 904
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 761



    Description:
       hey tell me whatever you wish with this one.. i wrote it just now while i was getting really tired.. i just wanted to see how it would turn out.. tell me whatever you wish about it..

    hope you like it a bit..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsChaotic Thoughtsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The embrace of the heavens this night seems endless..
    The entire sky seems to call for my reason.. my sanity.

    Why ask for these things?
    When my own chaos keeps me from them..
    I burn from within through the memories I have hidden away..
    And no one could take them away..
    Not even your deafening whispers..

    You will not have these things..
    And I curse thee for seeking them..
    I would burn you to ash before I release those moments..
    Tempt me and see you monsters..

    Leave me, dreams of peace.. You echoes of the palest moon..
    All of my reason rests in the chaos I have within..
    If I lose that.. What am I?
    But your servant..





    Submitted on 2004-11-17 23:14:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      jesse jesse jesssejesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse. kirchmaier kirchmaier kirchmaier kirchmaier kirchmiaer kirchmaier kirchmaier kirchmaier kirchmaier kirchmaier.

    Jesse Kirchmaier
    | Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by Kera | [ Reply to This ]
      well...seems as if there is an on-going arguement taking place within your mind...chaotic indeed... What was that old saying, we are our own worst enemy?...

    ->Dark
    | Posted on 2004-11-18 00:00:00 | by drk_angl_17 | [ Reply to This ]
      You know what? This poem seems to me as if it could be in the mindset of a character out of a book... A very cool character, I might add.

    You will not have these things..
    And I curse thee for seeking them..
    I would burn you to ash before I release those moments..
    Tempt me and see you monsters..

    This stanza especially, and the one that follows. Maybe a samurai from an ancient time? This poem is very beautiful, in my opinion.

    The embrace of the heavens this night seems endless..
    The entire sky seems to call for my reason.. my sanity.

    Leave me, dreams of peace.. You echoes of the palest moon..
    All of my reason rests in the chaos I have within..
    If I lose that.. What am I?
    But your servant..

    These two stanza's are especially beautiful, with wonderful imagery. Great write.
    | Posted on 2004-11-18 00:00:00 | by Maki Kyomada | [ Reply to This ]
      a servant to the night or to insanity...? maybe night is insanity...? i dont know...
    i think the thee in the i curse thee for seeking them line is kinda outta place with the whole feel of the rest of the poem... especially when the line after you refer to whatever as you... maybe you might wanna change it...? only if you wanna though coz i guess its your groove.
    this poem feels very sharp but its kinda hazy too like a cloud has crossed my vision or something... like i can almost grasp what you are getting at but then i fail again... this is a very cool write
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      And I curse thee for seeking them

    This line takes away from the whole poem. The poem in and of itself is good, but this poem adds a "fantasy" aspect that is kind of tacky, and really below the standard of writing that this is at. Try changing that line, and then update.

    -emo.
    | Posted on 2004-11-17 00:00:00 | by emo-tastic | [ Reply to This ]


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