Who I am -------------------------------------------
I don't like who I am...
I'm not gonna lie.
I don't have a back bone...
I can't get a good guy.
I know I'm not happy...
I'm so stupid and so shy.
I know I'm far too fat...
Sometimes I just cry.
I don't like me at all...
Maybe I should die.
Why is it that the furthur I read into your work, the more I read of it. The more I think you and I, we could share life experiences and get along. *Shakes head* Its sad. I wish you hadn't gone through all of this if you truly have. I've been there done that. Not the greatest feeling in the world. Leaves you feeling worthless and used. The way you portray pain and everyday emotions and anguish in the simplicity yet beautiful tragedy of your words is refreshing. ~BCute
You are not fat you are just vuluptuous.I probably spelled that wrong.If you were really stupid then why is it you can write about how you feel inside?Guys are like yesterdays trash.They look good , convince us to be theirs and break our hearts .All guys are not like this though really .Every guy that I have been with always seems to break my heart in some way .I cry about it and get back on my feet.THere is a guy out there for you.THeres one out there for me too.But what some people tend to do is go lookinig for love instead of love looking for them.THIS IS WHY YOU SMOKE.YOU ARE A NERVOUS SMOKER ARE'NT YOU? Smoking may ease your troubles for a minute but when that nicotene runs out of your system you are back to feeling like crap.And so what if you are shy.I used to be shy too.The way you can get over that is go to a club and have a party or go do something you think you would never be able to do in public.No I am not talking about stripping or skinny diping.Do you get my point?I f I am being to bossy let me know.
I like the flow of the poem I think it was a good write. I respect your honesty but someone can only love you if you love yourself and they'll treat you as you should be treated. Overall of course I really liked it.
This is sad, but I don't think it's a great poem, sorry. It's almost like you're asking for compliments to boost your self esteem. You need some figurative language instead of just rhyme and complaining. You don't need the ellipses, and backbone is one word.
aww this is sad, there's someone out there u, there's no need to say these things about urself- ive written a lot of stuff negative about me, but ive learned that there's more to life then looks (which im sure u look beautiful) and weight, and so forth. love is a funny thing, but n-e ways think of ur positives i'm certain u have them somewhere if ur writting poetry ; ). good luck, i luv ur poem.
well like every one else said like on rhyming on the end yeah i adgree it is clichéd and mauybe just a bit of revising it would be alot better but also life is like a card game play your cards well and it will work out but i also think your mostliky not fat eather
awwwww. this makes me sad. i bet you're not fat... and there Are good guys out there- I promise. This Was a bit cliché, ( i dunno how to do the little accent mark) but it's alright, just revise it a little... it honestly sounds a bit juvenile... i started with this big a$$ comment about how you should try dating guys that don't go to your school... i assumed it was a high schooler... then i checked the thingie and it says you're twenty. so i was like '[censored]!' and backspaced it all... sorry, but i really thought it was some 16 year old... might want to try making this a little more you and a little less cliché... i do hand it to you that your meter was near-perfect though. it bounced very well. but, there's my critique... if you change it, PM me, i'd love to read the revised version. thanks and good luck.
This poem is depressing, you took away from your own self and portrayed yourslef as being somewhat worthless. Im sure thats not the story, but i would of liked to see more, and a little more description, anyways, keep writing, and ill keep reading. take care
hey , is this abaut you ? cuz if it is it seems that it wouldn hurt you to tal to someone ... i wouldnt mind well abaut th epoem itself , its straight to the point and i really liked it .
"I know I'm far too fat... Sometimes I just cry. I don't like me at all... Maybe I should die."
Your poem was good until you got to this part. Those lines are so clichéd it took off major points from what you had already written. Other then that your rhyme and everything else was prettyg ood:O) Nice write. -kayla
Submission Name: Who I am
well abaut th epoem itself , its straight to the point and i really liked it .