How rare, this rubber heart
Serving as (in equal parts)
Mud flaps and a perfumed sponge
To wash away your deeds
How harsh, these pungent words
Poorly aimed, but well deserved
Beware: The boomerang you wield
Returns at double speed
| How about a sequel to this? You could call it . . .|
Hahhahahaa. Oh, my, I kill myself. But hey man, sex sells!
But seriously, a nice little ditty on the oftimes sh itty sh it we say to one another and how it all snowballs and comes back at us and if I've learned anything . . . winning an argument is impossible. You never win. And nothing is worth chewing on the one you love. You can think you've won, but the damage done to win, well . . . need I say more?
|| Posted on 2005-06-01 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ] || It's too bad that women can be gold-diggers, and then|
it's apparent that you've dated some that could make a sailor blush. I've seen that attitude too, always ready
to dig their nails in a cat scratch fever. I like the image you've drawn from the title, the attempt you're making at warning, but you can't make any promises.
That's just reality, and karma is karma, nice device to show us ...boomerang. It's a good write, thanks for sharing. nansofast
|| Posted on 2004-11-20 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ] || Cool! A rubber heart, to protect and absorb, washing away "greed?". What is meant by this line? Is she too demanding? It's your only mention of "greed" and I'm just uncertain as to it's usage. I loved your rhyme scheme. I think it is perfect for this piece. Overall a well constructed and unusaual poem, vary entertaining. |
|| Posted on 2004-11-20 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ] || It's almost as if you're saying that the heart serves as something that attracts (perfume) and deflects (mud flaps)...very interesting image. Creates the feeling of being torn between wanting to enitice and shield...and yep those words will come back to her just like the boomerang...they always do.|
Another great write!
|| Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by marysunshine | [ Reply to This ] || I like the write, but women don't have the market cornered with their mouths. Honestly, I've wished I could muzzle every guy I've ever dated. You have some cool images in that.||| Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ] || I like the second stanza more so than the first, perhaps because I picked up on it a bit easier. I do like the warning rendered here. what goes up must come down, eh.|
I also liked the rhyme scheme that you used in this write. It worked very well for the flow of the piece. Rhyming the last word of each stanza proved pleasant to the ear.
Overall, well done
|| Posted on 2004-11-18 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ] || It seemed to me that you are angry at someone. Perhaps a girlfriend or wife. They probably said something that resulted in an argument where harsh words were said. Good job conveying this.||| Posted on 2004-11-18 00:00:00 | by Lostlover | [ Reply to This ] || It didn't seem dirrected at anyone particular; many possibilities. i just think it's funny hope some people(mostly older; my dad's one of them,) Will say a word like Feraling instead of saying [censored]. It make know sense their intent is the same. Karmatic reward is the same so why not just go the extra bit and say what the feel? I like the title and detail. Mudflaps reminds me of the ones on truckers semi-trailors. The naked women in silver or white, my first thoughts. I like you concise yet detailed style. peace ||| Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ] |