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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A New Daydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: HaAtzmah
    ASL Info:    19/m/western australia
    Elite Ratio:    3.48 - 84/115/30
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 950
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 952



    Description:
       Alright this one's a little different from my previous posts but has a small connection to another one i wrote called 'Call of Honour'.
    The message is a little abstract so you can ask me any questions.
    Don't be afraid to bag it because i know its pretty weird and not everyone will like it but it still carries an important message.
    Let me know what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA New Daydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Once upon a time it goes
    A telling tale of foes, complete
    With all the blood spilt on its pages.
    Passion burns a million stars
    And brighter than the sun.
    ‘Tis passion fills the armour—
    So bright it tricks all vision.

    Once upon a time it goes
    But never found the ending.
    Happily ever after—
    In hatred no doubt forever.
    Where’s the prince in shiny armour,
    Coat of arms of dove and branch?

    The swords are there—are always there
    The stories never told of blood
    They never told of blood.
    Now a life, an entire world is stained upon that sword.
    I know the prince comes unarmed
    His noble steed all robed in white,
    But we will know that he hath come
    When the ravens do not circle
    The ravens dare not circle
    Ominously in a sky of grey,
    When the doves have brought a new day.




    Submitted on 2004-11-19 10:06:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    1: >_<
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    ||| Comments |||
      Well done, even without knowing the exact meaning of your poem I was able to understand some of the images- peace, war and bloodshed were obvious. After being further informed as to some of the ideas behind the piece I thought the concept of conflict having to be resolved by those who are instigating it was a profound theme. I found the use of Renaissance words like 'hath' and ''Tis' a nice touch as they give the poem a special timeless quality- like it is commenting on conflict through time, not just a specific issue.

    My favourite line was:
    ‘Tis passion fills the armour—
    So bright it tricks all vision

    It sums up the fact that often both sides are unwilling and unable to see past their own views and ideals in order to end conflict.

    This is similar to some of your older poetry with its strong themes, but it is a bit more abstract than any of the other pieces I've read- an interesting variant. A very 'good write', keep it up.
    | Posted on 2004-11-21 00:00:00 | by Civilian | [ Reply to This ]
      interesting. a religious piece? if not, I think there are definite religious overtones, though I may be reading too much in to that. Anyway, I really liked this piece. good job.
    J
    | Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by bentnotbroken | [ Reply to This ]


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    33429

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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