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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Walking Awaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Zu
    Elite Ratio:    5.12 - 446/379/76
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 1062
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 936



    Description:
       i dunno why i wrote this, it was a long time ago, about a month, just been thru it. need some ideas.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWalking Awaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Itís already too late
    Iíve gone away and youíre still here
    There has been no day
    When we havenít fought it out
    Letís get it straight
    You threw my feelings away
    And true as I am
    I havenít been able to say
    And your disagreements hurt
    For I still love you.

    But I am going away
    Meet you another day
    But not today
    Cause I am sorry
    Iím walking away.

    I am talking to you
    As I have done all these years
    I tried too hard maybe
    Probably not good enough for you
    I simply cannot see
    The outcome of all of this pain
    This is the last time
    Weíre walking together
    And your disagreements hurt
    For I still love you.

    But I am going away
    Meet you another day
    But not today
    Cause I am sorry
    Iím walking away. [all this x2]




    Submitted on 2004-11-19 12:37:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this one. although its sad and painful its very honest. honesty is good. anways the only thing i can seem to help you with here is saying sometimes walking away is better than staying and watching your heart get torn apart. this was a bit jumbled when written, just some of the lines should be broken up i think. but its pretty clear and easy to read. good job
    -steph
    | Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by playcrackthesky | [ Reply to This ]
      Love sux sometimes. Been here many a time. Loving someone so much but still having to walk away from it all because you love them. Either way the pain will be felt, but sometimes its what you have to do because it might be the best for everyone.

    This song is too heartbreaking man. Gotta love the pain though. It makes for good lyrics. No suggestions from me on this piece. Pretty complete and easy to understand.
    ~Musing
    | Posted on 2004-12-31 00:00:00 | by MusingMinstrel | [ Reply to This ]
      AHHH, would not weant to be the one receiving this poem, or statement. But anyways this is great it is full of sincerefeelings. It seems to be the relationship my friend is in at the moment., they only argue all the time, fighting seems to be the backbone of the relationship, so maybe a seperation by one might happen. Just as your peom reminded me of how much each person can hurt others, there must always be one strong enough to walk away and tell themselves that it isn't worth it, just as your lyrics stated about still loving, but knowing that it can't continue the way it is. I feel that you have a deep understanding of what a relationship needs and doesn't need and it is so apperant in this peice.

    My suggestion would be to break up the third section, and maybe reaarange words better so that two of the same meanings, for an example the word "this" appears way to offten creating a sort of dull unexciting, but overall this is very small, and doesn't hinder the peice in a large way.

    My favorite part is:

    And your disagreements hurt
    For I still love you.

    it just shows how much more mature you are compared to the other. Anyways great write, thanks for the post.
    much love
    kaity
    | Posted on 2004-12-07 00:00:00 | by Kaitylizzy | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh harsh, bitter love. A heartless monster, it is.

    Hmmm I was trying to think of a group whose sound is simliar, but I do believe you have created a sound of your own here. A couples of lines I felt were immature for the piece on my first read, but getting further into it I realized you were cvalling out in desperation, and desperate times call for desperate measure.

    Overall I anjoyed reading these:O) Great lyrics!

    -Kayla
    | Posted on 2004-12-07 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is very sincerely written, but are you saying that you are walking away from your situation? This line struck me in particular: 'And your disagreement hurts, for I still love you.' I can relate to this so much, it's scarey, but then again, you and me have always been one and the same...

    Keep on rockin'
    James
    | Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      this is nice... it sounds like a staind song or something. I like it though, it is kind of the way I feel about someone, that I walked away from, and as much as I hate that person, I still love him. I walked away awhile back, and let me tell you, I will never crawl back, hey, that would be cool for the end of the song, something about never crawling back... lol, its good though, I like it. excellent job!
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by ViCiOuSWrItEr | [ Reply to This ]


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