Remind me of Mortality by rocknpoetrychik

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Submission Name: Remind me of Mortality dots

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Author:	rocknpoetrychik
ASL Info:	20/Female/Someplace
Elite Ratio:	4.06 - 331/281/44
Words:	92

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	378
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	602

Description:
I love lilies and carnations... as well as a few other choice flowers.. lilies were and i believe still are an official funeral flower.. carnations used to be used to mask the smell of dead bodies before embalming was in full swing..althought i love these flowers they always make me think about how many deaths they have "attended".. it is just always a thought for me
~*~amber~*~
anyhoo love my poem... hate it.. whatever .. it came out in less than 10 min and i like to leave it the way it is bad or not.

Remind me of Mortality dots

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Sweet lilies let my death be wrong!
Carnations you must leave me now!
Not my time to go!
So you must leave somehow,
Death flowers how beautiful you are!
Yet you plague me with grim thoughts,
How many funerals have you attended?
How many grave plots?
Remind me of my past suicidal tendencies,
Of my mortality,
Of my frailty,
Why fight it?
I want them all around me!
Growing death out of bulbs, seeds, and soil,
Rather my morbid thoughts sprung out of beauty
Than my eyes account of humanities evil

Submitted on 2004-11-19 15:55:19 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  it made me think and that's a good thing. you write with such detail. in my opinion death is a morbid fascination. it feels as if thats what it is for you. you rock.
| Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by lethargic_me | [ Reply to This ]
  This one is so you Ams. I remember when I wanted lilies in my wedding on Jason's mom almost had a heart attack. They have to be one of the most flawless flowers. I believe that they tell us at a funeral to not be sad that death is a part of life and as morbid as it may seem, death is a thing of beauty. LOVED IT!
*Amanda*
| Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by fortressofwords | [ Reply to This ]
  Very strong ideas and beliefs behind this one, but they could have been expressed better with a smoother flow and such. But if you can, try and revise it so that you can hear just how strong this is, it's really a great piece.

How many funerals have you attended?
How many grave plots?
Remind me of my past suicidal tendencies,
Of my mortality,

Awesome part.
Keep it up
~Spire~
| Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by Spire | [ Reply to This ]
  My first impresion was that the narator, you or no, has had a past obsession with death and instead of fighting it is giving in. That may be totally wrong, but thats how I read into it. But that also adds to story to make it all the more interesting. Nice use of puncuation, a lot of writers don't use it much or if they do it doesn't add to the sturcture of the poem, the only thing that, didn't really bother me, but didn't add as much as it could of is your use of rhyme. Don't kame it so every word ryhmes because that is cheesy. But make it a little more apperant that you knwo how to and could do it if you wanted to. Also it adds to the lucidness of the poem. Keep it up.
Spartan
| Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by Spartan | [ Reply to This ]
  i luv 'dark' details (if that's what u would charectorize this)- u kept the description of a flower throughout the entire poem without making it annoying for u described it in different ways and at the same time u intends were nothing thereof. this is a rather awesome poem that i did enjoy.
| Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by dannyshyboy | [ Reply to This ]

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