Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Will Not Bleeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Pyrosis
    ASL Info:    24/M/TN
    Elite Ratio:    4.13 - 199/204/35
    Words: 209
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 985
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1216



    Description:
       Ok so this was just me thinking.. i have just really thought about this for awhile.. i guess this is where my thoughts have arrived at.. so if anyone has anything to say about it your comments are certainly welcome..
    Adam


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Will Not Bleeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Every word and every smile is cherished..
    Just as every memory is held dear..

    For awhile they are painful..
    Some still remain..
    Though who would I be now without them..

    The night so many promises were broken..
    And so many hopes were lost..
    I did bleed..
    Within and without..
    Trying to rid it from me..

    Did it help?
    Yes... but only for a moment..
    Every other was me hating myself for running from it..

    I did not want to bleed away memory..
    Nor did I desire to run from my pain..
    I didn't want to forget the good as well..
    As it is such a part of me..

    And so I faced it.. I let it rush upon me with it's full fury..
    Like a burning demon from hell itself.. I let it fall upon me..
    I did not run.. I did not hide..
    I stood my ground.. As it pierced me to the core..

    I will never bleed again or run from pain..
    If I am brought to my knees by it..
    I shall stand once more..
    Only to face it again..

    Perhaps I rise only to fall..
    But at least I stand for something more..




    Submitted on 2004-11-19 17:53:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      jesse jesse jesssejesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse. kirchmaier kirchmaier kirchmaier kirchmaier kirchmiaer kirchmaier kirchmaier kirchmaier kirchmaier kirchmaier.

    Jesse Kirchmaier
    | Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by Kera | [ Reply to This ]
      well i really liked this. such strenth you showed. gives someone...hope. i really enjoyed reading it. i think i told you that i would comment on your when i got time...well i just got time but you write really well. i plan to read more of yours later on. it was a little choppy and there wasnt any pattern but what can i say? im a pattern girl.
    -sweet
    | Posted on 2005-03-02 00:00:00 | by sweet-fire | [ Reply to This ]
      well...this is really cool. You told of the pain, the bleeding, trying to run from it...then you did the most curagious of all and faced it...that takes real strength...id rather bleed tho. I like the part:

    I will never bleed again or run from pain..
    If I am brought to my knees by it..
    I shall stand once more..
    Only to face it again..

    real strength there, i really like your work, each contains such emotion...im just begining to put personal emotions into my pieces...

    ->Dark
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by drk_angl_17 | [ Reply to This ]
      So this is what you were talking about when you posted on my poem. Nicely done, I can relate to some parts and you obviously have more sight than I do. Nice post.
    | Posted on 2004-11-20 00:00:00 | by impassive sky | [ Reply to This ]
      "at least I stand for something more.. " This was powerful in my opinion. I really like the pessimistic optimism in this. *If there is such a thing* It's as if you bring yourself from this bad thinking into "okay, if I fall at least I stand for something else that comes my way." It really touches my heart - this write does - because it seems as though anything is possible to stand. I hope this piece gave you as much peace writing it as it gave me reading it. Thank you. Great job.
    -blt
    | Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      Once again, a very nice visual image. I love the feeling behind your words here:
    I did not want to bleed away memory..
    Nor did I desire to run from my pain..
    I didn't want to forget the good as well..
    As it is such a part of me..
    There is so much emotion in these words. Nice write again.
    | Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by solararia | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like this. i can really relate...especially with the stanza:

    "The night so many promises were broken..
    And so many hopes were lost..
    I did bleed..
    Within and without..
    Trying to rid it from me.."

    ...i think you really said it right, its quite amazing...like you almost said the words for me. anyways, i think there is a very strong message in this poem.
    just one thing, in the second stanza:

    "For awhile they are painful..
    Some still remain..
    Though who would I be now without them.."

    it sounds like you are talking about your cuts or scars (maybe its just me). anyways, if this is what you mean, its kind of confusing to come from talking about the smiles and memories held dear in the first stanza to scars in the second, without much of an explanation...maybe theres something you could do to clear it up.
    all in all, excellent job, i really really like this poem.
    | Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by hibiscus_red | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a good write, though i'd rework it somewhat. i hope that all those elipses were intentional - and im 99.9% sure they were - but even so, they take away from the rest of the poem. When i first read this, all i could focus on was the ".." after each line and it got pretty annoying. Once i read it a second time, i realized there was more than just dot dots. ...i understand where you were trying to go with the parallelism used here, but if you want to boost the "first impression" than i'd suggest taking some ..'s out.
    great last line. it just fit, even though it didnt really agree with what you were saying throughout the poem. it offers hope to the reader that everything will be fine.
    | Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by NoMoreGoodbyes | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    33507

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Love written by saartha
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry