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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Will Not Bleeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Pyrosis
    ASL Info:    24/M/TN
    Elite Ratio:    4.13 - 199/204/35
    Words: 209
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1006
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1216



    Description:
       Ok so this was just me thinking.. i have just really thought about this for awhile.. i guess this is where my thoughts have arrived at.. so if anyone has anything to say about it your comments are certainly welcome..
    Adam


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Will Not Bleeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Every word and every smile is cherished..
    Just as every memory is held dear..

    For awhile they are painful..
    Some still remain..
    Though who would I be now without them..

    The night so many promises were broken..
    And so many hopes were lost..
    I did bleed..
    Within and without..
    Trying to rid it from me..

    Did it help?
    Yes... but only for a moment..
    Every other was me hating myself for running from it..

    I did not want to bleed away memory..
    Nor did I desire to run from my pain..
    I didn't want to forget the good as well..
    As it is such a part of me..

    And so I faced it.. I let it rush upon me with it's full fury..
    Like a burning demon from hell itself.. I let it fall upon me..
    I did not run.. I did not hide..
    I stood my ground.. As it pierced me to the core..

    I will never bleed again or run from pain..
    If I am brought to my knees by it..
    I shall stand once more..
    Only to face it again..

    Perhaps I rise only to fall..
    But at least I stand for something more..




    Submitted on 2004-11-19 17:53:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      jesse jesse jesssejesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse jesse. kirchmaier kirchmaier kirchmaier kirchmaier kirchmiaer kirchmaier kirchmaier kirchmaier kirchmaier kirchmaier.

    Jesse Kirchmaier
    | Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by Kera | [ Reply to This ]
      well i really liked this. such strenth you showed. gives someone...hope. i really enjoyed reading it. i think i told you that i would comment on your when i got time...well i just got time but you write really well. i plan to read more of yours later on. it was a little choppy and there wasnt any pattern but what can i say? im a pattern girl.
    -sweet
    | Posted on 2005-03-02 00:00:00 | by sweet-fire | [ Reply to This ]
      well...this is really cool. You told of the pain, the bleeding, trying to run from it...then you did the most curagious of all and faced it...that takes real strength...id rather bleed tho. I like the part:

    I will never bleed again or run from pain..
    If I am brought to my knees by it..
    I shall stand once more..
    Only to face it again..

    real strength there, i really like your work, each contains such emotion...im just begining to put personal emotions into my pieces...

    ->Dark
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by drk_angl_17 | [ Reply to This ]
      So this is what you were talking about when you posted on my poem. Nicely done, I can relate to some parts and you obviously have more sight than I do. Nice post.
    | Posted on 2004-11-20 00:00:00 | by impassive sky | [ Reply to This ]
      "at least I stand for something more.. " This was powerful in my opinion. I really like the pessimistic optimism in this. *If there is such a thing* It's as if you bring yourself from this bad thinking into "okay, if I fall at least I stand for something else that comes my way." It really touches my heart - this write does - because it seems as though anything is possible to stand. I hope this piece gave you as much peace writing it as it gave me reading it. Thank you. Great job.
    -blt
    | Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      Once again, a very nice visual image. I love the feeling behind your words here:
    I did not want to bleed away memory..
    Nor did I desire to run from my pain..
    I didn't want to forget the good as well..
    As it is such a part of me..
    There is so much emotion in these words. Nice write again.
    | Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by solararia | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like this. i can really relate...especially with the stanza:

    "The night so many promises were broken..
    And so many hopes were lost..
    I did bleed..
    Within and without..
    Trying to rid it from me.."

    ...i think you really said it right, its quite amazing...like you almost said the words for me. anyways, i think there is a very strong message in this poem.
    just one thing, in the second stanza:

    "For awhile they are painful..
    Some still remain..
    Though who would I be now without them.."

    it sounds like you are talking about your cuts or scars (maybe its just me). anyways, if this is what you mean, its kind of confusing to come from talking about the smiles and memories held dear in the first stanza to scars in the second, without much of an explanation...maybe theres something you could do to clear it up.
    all in all, excellent job, i really really like this poem.
    | Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by hibiscus_red | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a good write, though i'd rework it somewhat. i hope that all those elipses were intentional - and im 99.9% sure they were - but even so, they take away from the rest of the poem. When i first read this, all i could focus on was the ".." after each line and it got pretty annoying. Once i read it a second time, i realized there was more than just dot dots. ...i understand where you were trying to go with the parallelism used here, but if you want to boost the "first impression" than i'd suggest taking some ..'s out.
    great last line. it just fit, even though it didnt really agree with what you were saying throughout the poem. it offers hope to the reader that everything will be fine.
    | Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by NoMoreGoodbyes | [ Reply to This ]


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