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    dots Submission Name: Live Ondots

    Author: Kera
    ASL Info:    18-f-NH
    Elite Ratio:    3.67 - 116/129/29
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1097
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 527

       I just wrote this, not to good I will admit. Well I am going to bed, say what you will....

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLive Ondots

    everyday I feel the pain,
    but I live on,
    everyday I feel the hate,
    but I live on,
    everyday everyday.

    one day I will not live ,
    that will be the day ,
    the world no longer exists,
    for I will always live on.

    you gave me my hope,
    so I shall breath,
    for you,
    I will see.

    you saved me once before,
    look, you are doing it again,
    I will feel pain,
    I will hurt,
    but at least I will....

    Submitted on 2004-11-19 19:53:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i know you feel pain.. as do i.. but i want you to do one last thing for me.. i want you to just find a way to let go of the pain.. i want you to be happy and really live.. there is need for you to suffer because of me forever.. i want you to have all you deserve.. more than i could ever offer you.. i want you to hold on to what you believe in and let go of what you don't.. i want you to be happy.. i want you to live..
    | Posted on 2004-11-20 00:00:00 | by Pyrosis | [ Reply to This ]
      You admit it's not that great. Well I beg to differ. It's flow isn't so good, but I don't think that's an essential part of this. It carries a message that seems to be, in itself, a different to anyone who reads. It reminded BrokenDreams of God saving you and giving you life. It reminds me of immortality. Not the actual being able to exist forever onwards and since the oblivion of the past, but rather the idea that even in death one is immortal. In it's own way, this poem portrays anything that deals with an end, tied into life by its own way, but implies a beginning.
    I really do like it. Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by Spire | [ Reply to This ]
      I get this, but some of it could be written a bit better. For example, "The world no longer exists, for I live on." I don't think the "for" really makes sense. good job.
    | Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by Abby Sinthetic | [ Reply to This ]

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