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    dots Submission Name: The Key to My Heartdots

    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 639
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 685

       This poem is one of my most recent ones about a guy that I am sooooo in love with.
    Just tell me what you think and if i should send it to him. Thanks, Christina age: 16

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Key to My Heartdots

    Dearest love, how I love you,
    You can't understand.
    All this love that's so true,
    Makes you my heart's demand.
    So much love, everlasting,
    Is between me and you.
    I want you so badly,
    That I don't know what to do.
    You and I together,
    Can share true love's first kiss.
    Until next time I see you,
    You'll be the one I miss.
    There are times when I miss you,
    Many more when I cry.
    I say that I love you,
    About that, I won't lie.
    To you, I will give,
    The key to my heart.
    And with that I will ask,
    Not to stop once you start.

    Submitted on 2004-11-20 15:35:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      YAY! i have been waiting to comment on this piece, i read it and thought it was amazing...

    *pause to reread in order to give a decent comment*

    To you, I will give,
    The key to my heart.
    And with that I will ask,
    Not to stop once you start.

    those last lines are amazing. they pull the whole piece together. you start with the whole unrequited love tone and then slowly lull into how much you think tis person should nkow and how much you want them to know and everything youw ant to share with thena nd then you throw that in at the end and it makes it all worth it. its a really touching piece, a piece that can describe everyone's life at one point or another (such as mine right now, though he doesnt love me back. eh. oh well. read "what you mean to me" its for him). great write. much love. PS
    | Posted on 2004-11-21 00:00:00 | by Printer Shock | [ Reply to This ]
      I can say I know the feeling, but if you take your current state, and maybe take away all the hope you have in the situation, then you may be somewhat closer to what I feel like. So, this was very bittersweet for me, a part of me regrets reading this because I can never hope to be with the person I'd write this kind of poem about, and another part liked it because it made me think just how much I can relate this to her.

    From a poets point of view (rather than a teen's point of view) the rhyming was good but at some points the flow was rather choppy, especially early on, but once I got into the write the rest came along nicely. I also think that the last line may be a little too long because the reader has to rush it to fit all of the words in time with the flow.

    All in all, I think that a lot people will relate to this and a lot more people will definately have hope. If you keep up this kind of standard...well, I can only speculate the rest...
    | Posted on 2004-11-21 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      Hello. I'm in love to. Hello. I like birds and such. This piece was touching to my heart. My girlfriend loved it. See, I'm not really into the mushy love poop, but this reminded me of my g/f and I liked it. I'm more into the depressing dark and bizarre poems, but I still liked this Great work.
    | Posted on 2004-11-20 00:00:00 | by BloodyWords | [ Reply to This ]

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