Description: love is a job...it takes integrity, it takes passion, it takes all of your heart...can you say you do your job well?
4 Letter Pain -------------------------------------------
4 letter pain
one more letter than sex
and one more feeling to maintain
blinding your every move
confusion moves in like a mouse in winter…
cold and tired of it
being in love is an illusion
step over to the other side and find true love
love that’s real
something sweeter than the outer
deeper than the inner
a passion all throughout
that overwhelms ones mind
and leaves no room for doubt
4 letter pain
It’ll sweep you off your feet
Only to have you land on your head
And break your neck before your realize
It ain’t no good
Kiss me, hug me, hold me, love me…not
For I can’t handle the poison
Yet it controls and consumes me…
well I think it was pretty good except for the part about breaking your neck. See I broke my neck 4 years ago and I swear to freaking god I curse him every day if ther eis one for letting that happen to me-even though it was totally my fault simply hearing the word broken neck just kills me -so not bad but not your best lamemansterms
“It ain’t no good” is a double negitive and would mean that it IS good. Unless it’s intentional- you may want to fix that. I really did lyke thys poem. The one part that realy stuck out lyke a bloody thumb was the lyne- “confusion moves in like a mouse in winter…” A kewl lyne- but it’s home does not seem to be in thys poem. Great title and concept- I think it’s awesome. Clearly the best one I’ve read today (and I’ve read a lot) Peace, love and the cow jumped over the moon- ~#6-
I have heard a lot about flow myself, and have come to think of it more as scene direction than strictly rhythm. You can put Hitchcock and Leone side by side and say they're both masters; yet each has a pace and style unique unto themselves. Find a style that suits you. ;)
and one more feeling to maintain blinding your every move confusion moves in like a mouse in winter… cold and tired of it being in love is an illusion step over to the other side and find true love love that’s real
I enjoyed that part of the piece but I somewhat disagree with it for a few reasons. First off, what's the definition of "real love?" A love that's unconditional? I understand the difference between "thinking" and "knowing" you're in love; but I don't see the line between "false" and "real" love.
Why? Because love is only an emotion. It's not a deeprooted scientific chemical that you can take a pill for. It's only an emotion. Just like pain, or sadness, there's love. Guess what: pain ends, sadness will eventually turn to hapiness, and love will sadly fade. It's a fact of life.
No emotion is permanent. So you always need to consciously be ready to lose your lover to the undeniable fact that hearts can change. I'm not saying they always do, otherwise you wouldn't see 50 year marriage anniversaries. I'm simply saying love is a human emotion like any other emotion, and eventually, you will lose it.
let me start off by saying flow doesn't matter, cause your writing is strong enough that you don't need it...you read it for the sake of readinf it and any flow or subtext you put into it is straight form your own head...but yeah i like the poem
made me think quite a bit, i was in love for a long time and then BAM stright on my ass and my i'm a slut that drinks too much, but this at least made me feel a tinge of something past all the beer...and i thought about ehr more than i usally do