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    dots Submission Name: A Dreamdots

    Author: moaxcym
    ASL Info:    23/m/Pakistan
    Elite Ratio:    2.87 - 155/196/85
    Words: 43
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 768
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 247


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    dotsA Dreamdots

    I dream of a desert
    And a rose full pleasant
    Who dwells in her bosom
    And dwells forever
    I dream of moonlight
    showering upon its beauty
    And a sight of marvel
    Which would manifest deity

    Submitted on 2004-11-21 02:57:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Finaly I have found a poet whose style is akin mine, complexity in verse that no one will understand, though the poem is presented simply. I hope to read more of your stuff and I hope you will read mine, true friend. Your in pakistan i'm in australia but we are close. vvv.
    | Posted on 2004-11-21 00:00:00 | by vvv | [ Reply to This ]
      The brevity and abstract beauty of this piece really drew me in. I reread a couple of times and have to say that i really respect and admire the carefully chosen and placed words and the beauty of the concept and images, but after reading it a few more times again, i'm still not totally sure what you are trying to say. An enjoyable read nonetheless, but i'm not certain why. Thanx for your words.
    | Posted on 2004-11-21 00:00:00 | by Jimma | [ Reply to This ]
      I got confused on who dwells in whose bosom! Very abstract and draws the reader in to analyse further, but didnt really work as it could have for me. Maybe some of the wording needs a rewrite...just my view...pm me for a rewrite if you choose to do it!
    | Posted on 2004-11-21 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      Beauty and abstractness distilled. Some punctuation and a look at some of the wording, I feel, would greatly enhance the flow and emphasise the beauty and eloquence of the person you are describing. Worth taking a look at!
    | Posted on 2004-11-21 00:00:00 | by whiteknight | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this was wierd. Doesn't mean it's not good, just wierd. I agree, it does have a certian sweetness and beuty to it, whether it's the shortness and the words or whatever it may be, good job.
    | Posted on 2004-11-21 00:00:00 | by Cutting Envy | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this very much. Its beaty in its shortness. It makes you reflect abaout it, abstract enough to make you really think. Also loved the vocabulary
    | Posted on 2004-11-21 00:00:00 | by Rocky Raccoon | [ Reply to This ]

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