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    dots Submission Name: Anti-Hallmark Birthday Poemdots

    Author: srcastic1
    ASL Info:    18/F/IA
    Elite Ratio:    6.29 - 96/97/28
    Words: 30
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 4595
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 198

       Ok, I wrote this for a friend celebrating his eighteenth birthday, who actually did feel sick and emotional that day. Of course, my poetry teacher decided to make it an assignment: 10 syllables in each line, 4 lines long. Yes I do know that there are 11 syllables in the last line. I was feeling rebellious. Anyway, I think this is supposed to be sort of funny and sort of a parody of some of the sentimental forced-rhymy crap that comes from the geniuses at hallmark.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAnti-Hallmark Birthday Poemdots

    Today you woke up feeling rather blue.
    You fear flesh-eating virus...or the flu.
    Not sure who or where or what it came from.
    Relax, it's only eighteenth birthday syndrome.

    Submitted on 2004-11-21 20:17:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      ah, the old flesh-eating birthday disease...I get it every year! Very cute! I love this. Hope your friend has survived it and lives to suffer thru 100 more.
    | Posted on 2005-02-11 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      haha...you are quite funny...Ms. Sarcastic!

    But try turning 27! Way fecking worse! So, I haven't seen you around til now, but after your quote, and this, I'll be keeping an eye out for your humorous anecdotes!

    Thanks for the chuckle...again!

    | Posted on 2004-12-14 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]
      i wouldn't want to 18 again, that's for sure! this is funny for what it's worth. that Hallmark stuff does get awful mushy sometimes. "flesh-eating virus" is a scary thing, though, 'cause it is real...
    | Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Change 'only' to 'the', and you will have ten!
    A great piece of wisdom here, Hahaa!
    Does this work out for other numbers like 40, an above say 55- 60- ??
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      You should have made it a doggerl rhyme about being a bit closer to wrinkles. You could've said that at least the flesh eating virus wasn't on his crotch. I'm kidding
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      its cute. i love it acctually. and you can fix the last line problem with making "only" change to "just" but i know that has nothin to do with anything. i hope your friend liked it. favs for you!
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by Printer Shock | [ Reply to This ]
      I defiantly think that this should be made into an actual birthday card, sell it at Hot Topic or what not... can't say that I felt like this on my eighteenth birthday, now 24th, that was a killer... why do they have to keep on comin'?
    | Posted on 2004-11-21 00:00:00 | by Raven5 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very creative, And very differnet from what ive ever read... I really liked it
    Good job... I hope to read more from you
    | Posted on 2004-11-21 00:00:00 | by Kueen_Emerald | [ Reply to This ]
      The infamous "omg, what the heck am I going to do now?" virus. Oh yea, everybody goes through that stage when they turn 18. That should really be in a birthday card, because that is terrifically brilliant. It is the perfect size, the rhyme is perfect, the wording is perfect. Yup...that is certainly the perfect "happy 18th birthday" card.

    Brilliant use of satire here, Metaphorically and literally. Just awesome.
    | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by eener | [ Reply to This ]
      lol! I love it! It's so nice to read something other than sad serious poetry all the time.. very refreshing! Hope you write more of the sort.
    | Posted on 2004-11-29 00:00:00 | by AmandaLyn | [ Reply to This ]

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