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    dots Submission Name: A Mid Autumn Romancedots

    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 684
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 904

       at first this piece will probably sound cheesey and cliché but dont worry I added my somber twist to it at the end.This was written in like 2 minutes. I think it needs work, but I felt this was a good piece to post at 1:39 am on a monday morning. I don't want to go to work!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Mid Autumn Romancedots

    The winds blowing softly
    through those auburn locks
    You look at me
    with that sly smile

    The pale moon's in the east
    hanging just above the trees
    I take your hand
    and press it to my lips

    We lay on the hood
    of my metal steed
    on top of the world
    as if in some high school movie

    The air's getting colder
    winter draws near
    You wouldn't take my jacket
    saying you're warm enough
    wrapped within my gaze

    Not a cloud to be seen tonight
    it's almost too perfect
    " I LOVE YOU"
    and you look at me

    My eyes open
    to that damn alarm
    and I look up as if to say
    "You couldn't give me
    5 more minutes?"

    Submitted on 2004-11-22 00:38:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||

    Yes...we've all had that...Damn, just a few more minutes and the world would have opened...lol
    Love it!
    Must say didn't feel the cheese or the cliché just seemed to flow...did think it was a bit odd...for you anyway...but just at first.

    Love all the romance of late here...very appealing and sensual !

    Awsome...way cool...and always a joy to read;)
    | Posted on 2004-11-24 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      the alarm...?
    i thought fire alarm
    but then read a comment
    and thought more
    im stupid
    this is good though
    i love that she hesitates
    my favorite line EVER is the warm enough wrapped in my gaze part
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by scorpio sphinx | [ Reply to This ]
      ha...this is great...was this really a dream or just a thought...either way i love it and the dream twist ...if it was a dream...i gotta say...that sucks when that happens doesn't it...thats what always happens to me...i love the setting of the beginning of the write like an 80's teen movie...at least thats what i thought of ...lol..the line about being warm enough wrapped in your gaze...awesome line...beyond awesome...this isn't the best written structure wise...subject matter i love it...but i'm a cheesy romantic so...i can't help it...so i'd say just fix the grammer...which pizzaman took care of for ya and maybe mess around a little with the sentence structure...and it will be perfect...ange
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]

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