Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

In Need of Candy

Author: arkay
ASL Info:    50+/m/Atl.Can
Elite Ratio:    4.84 - 450 /320 /56
Words: 23
Class/Type: Poetry /Comedy
Total Views: 1351
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 135


Playing with words in tanka form.
The best I could come up with on this fine morn.

In Need of Candy

If Tommy is Sue
And Mary Lou is Jimmy
and I am randy
should I forget the candy
or open another box?

Submitted on 2004-11-22 06:44:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Ah... you do not realize the breath of fresh air that this poem symbolizes for me. It seems recently in our days of artistic endevours, the subject to our poetry is focused on the negatives in life. This poem is so cute and simple it makes me want to eat it. I love this.
| Posted on 2004-12-16 00:00:00 | by Redstarr | [ Reply to This ]
  admittedly, i don't get it. still, perhaps that is the point. often we try to hard to understand when all we should do is listen. nice one.
| Posted on 2004-11-25 00:00:00 | by adamastor | [ Reply to This ]
  I think I have a pretty good Idea as to what his is about. I think. But hey that's the beauty of poetry. It can be interpreted in any way the reader likes regardless of what the poet had in mind. This is a very well executed piece. The style is very nice, I haven't written a Tanka in a while. I have a few laying around maybe I'll post them. Good write, and thanks for reminding me that there are styles out there other than rhyming couplets and free form.
| Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by Lightbringer | [ Reply to This ]
  that was hot. serioulsy. mother freaking hot. but i still kreally kreally dont get it. please explain. perhaps a follow up submission?
| Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by SoulHathBled | [ Reply to This ]
  Please explain...I promise I won't take offense, haha. It's vital that I know what this poem is about...just vital.

| Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by w0rdz_0f_wizd0m | [ Reply to This ]
  its funny and soothing .. after a long day at the office i'd enjoy something like that a smile really helps nowadays , very well done , keep up the good work
| Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by Tarek Refaat | [ Reply to This ]
  Well... that was rather dirty. Short and a bit nervewracking to read[just a bit], but you did a good job. Nice one.

| Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by Jester_Gesture | [ Reply to This ]
  Thanks for reading "In need of Candy". I don't think I should explain it to you, you may be offended, it is slightly off colour. . But if you are aware that randy is not a name here, perhaps it will come to you.
| Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by arkay | [ Reply to This ]
  ...the sweet!
I never thought that a Japanese poetry form could bring Forest Gump to mind.
You've managed with this witty piece. ;)
'Life is a box of chocolates...'
| Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
  I dont think I get it?
Its quirky?
I havent heard of the style you mention, before so Im a bit clueless...
Other then that, it is good for what it is?
Short. I like the candy conclusion.
| Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by words_can_heal | [ Reply to This ]
  You should most definetly open another box. Because you're the randy one, and they're both not. At least, to my knowledge. (to what exactly you had to tell the reader.....) So they boy is a girl, and the other girl is really a boy... And you want to get some.... So all in all I think this should work out some way. Boys, girls, threesome I guess. It could be WOMDERFUL! hahaha just joking, just joking... definetly (is that how you spell that?) anyways, definetly just joking. Not that it really matters. This is a dirty little poem. It reminds me of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory. "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker." And it most certainly is. So If you don't happen to have another box of candy, you should just get them good and sloshed! ha ha ha.... I do believe that I am done now.... Have fun with the transvestites! -Hillarie
| Posted on 2004-11-27 00:00:00 | by falloutgirl | [ Reply to This ]
  ha ha ha... I don't get it! i like the feel of it though! I guess, maybe it was something before my time, something I will never get... but maybe I'm just blonde!
| Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by AmandaLyn | [ Reply to This ]
  OPEN ANOTHER BOX! you can never have enough candy I enjoyed this alot... gave me one of them ear to ear smiles So simple and so complexed, and so happy! Your work is so creative and original, it's refreshing to stop by your page every once in a while to break out of the flow. Again, open another box, you can't go wrong. Adios and take care. Travis
| Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha | [ Reply to This ]
  hmmmm...that was interesting. I've never read a poem about transvestites and such, but its all good, and one does something new every day! and I would have to another box. yep. :D [shakes head and laughs] that was a good larf. :) peace to you!

In His service,
| Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by littleshuford | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?