[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Symphonic Goddessdots

    Author: Jimma
    ASL Info:    22/m/Melb Aust
    Elite Ratio:    4.75 - 217/234/54
    Words: 232
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1150
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1803

       Music seems to be a recurring theme in my poetry. It has such powerful imagery

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Symphonic Goddessdots

    The symphonic goddess
    Entwined, running through
    My triumphs and travails
    Like a thin vein of golden truth
    Of life
    Buried deep within
    The worthless stone
    Of which my ritual
    Is composed

    Inspired by
    The sweet music of her voice
    Spelling out futures
    Noiselessly in my soul

    Her fingers play
    A cadenza
    On ivory skin
    And a soul
    She plays me to my knees
    Singing dulcet praise
    And harmonic thanks
    To her symphonic perfection

    Concertos of accord
    Fill my existential stave
    Painting music of emotion
    Where silence once had been
    Anthemic philosophy
    From an immortal choir
    Of wisdom greater than us all
    She sings

    The music of life
    The epic aria of existence
    Only heard in silence
    Verses written
    Without words

    The sweet symphony
    Of a setting sun
    Sinking slowly
    With a crescendo of colour
    To the rhythm of life

    The percussive rhythm
    Of waves on the shore
    Each a song in itself
    Disappearing back
    Into the ocean
    Of silent sound
    As quickly as its tune
    Was played

    The sweet serenade
    Of the love I feel
    Singing deep within
    My heart
    With a harmonic passion
    Which, even when the song
    Stops playing
    Echoes eternally
    In my soul

    This sweet, sweet music
    Composed by her
    The immortal
    The symphonic goddess
    Leaving my ears ringing
    With the sound
    Of her symphonic silence.

    Submitted on 2004-11-22 06:55:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Jimma, m8. I owe you, so here is one already. On a negative note: This poem is VERY long and it is filled with such a lot of words that someone that does not have a theoratical musical background will not understand. You have to sit with a dictionary to understand this and some of the words are not in the dictionary.

    What does cadenza and anthemic ( Is it relating to an anthem, perhaps) mean? Perhaps I would then understand what is being said.

    On a positive note. I love this poem. I read it once and understood most nothing. Printed it out and checked out the words I did not understand. It all made such beauty.

    1st stanza or even the title - describing your loves voice to a symphony or suggesting that it sounds harmonious in sound. Brilliant. So much said in two words. This whole 1st stanza to me is like coming home from a hectic day at work and being nurtured by your love. Giving you renewed hope just by talking to you. Hope this makes sense.

    Second stanza is supportive of the first - after listening to her - you feel that you can yet again take on the world and nothing is impossible. Saying so much about your relationship.

    3rd stanza - a bit confusing, since I don't know what cadenza means and there's not much else to which to compare it too, so that I can have an idea. The ivory and Ebony black contrast, works well here. I'm a bit confused here - are you the one singing in this stanza, or still her. Either way it works great. Her voice is so pleasant and gentle to your ear that you are weak in the knees. Or you go on your knees and ... You know what I mean, I hope.

    "Concertos of accord" this is good. Something meant for a soloist and yet being able to agree in your opinions. This is a touch of brilliance. They way you use these to describe this agreement of different opinions. Perhaps agree to disagree, hehe!

    "Existential stave" - I get two meanings here. That she's the one that determines what your life is gonna turn out like - happy. Or she's something that fills a whole within you and you're just so compatible, like a hand fits a glove.

    "Epic aria" stanza - in silences so much more is said??

    Cresendo of colour - beautiful, m8. Jimma, you really have a way of saying things. What I understand and grasp here is that happiness is just on the increase?Right??

    "The percussive rhythm". Like not everyday with her is the same. Not the same routine, but there are always something new? That's what I get here.

    Hope you get some sort of construction from this. You'd better reply to this. This has to be the longest comment I have written. Hope it's constructive though. Please answer some of the things I asked. I'll check out another soon. Cheers, m8. Kritzman

    | Posted on 2004-12-20 00:00:00 | by K | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a beautiful piece, with just enough musical imagery to emphasise, and not enough to overwhelm or to become gaudy. It seems a little on the long side, but given the quality of the writing it is by no means a large issue... a lovely write and a pleasure to read.
    | Posted on 2004-11-24 00:00:00 | by Transcendancing | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Jimma, My heart just got warmer and warmer as I read this until I reached the last line. I love people with all may heart, but music has always been my best friend. I speaks to us on many levels all of which seem to be listening in my case. Beautiful images! The muses have blessed you, this has the sound and feel of music herself. this is a terrific piece, congratulations. nansofast
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      a very sweet and soft poem with alot of excellent expressions which brings sort of a music as well in the soul of one and brings alot of nice memories and lifts the spirits
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by Tarek Refaat | [ Reply to This ]
      Your use of metaphors is really good. I was going to comment on the abnormality of the stanzas, but on second reading see that they are your line breaks. Overall a very good job, albiet just a wee bit too long. Or perhaps overemphasizing the point.
    But still a very good write.
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by arkay | [ Reply to This ]
      Now this is poetry. There are so many great lines to choose from but my favorite is, "anthemic philosophy from an immortal choir" that as well as the whole poem resonate beautifully.
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by vvv | [ Reply to This ]
      It seems to be written with such complex simplicity, and sincerity. My favourite stanza:

    The music of life
    The epic aria of existence
    Only heard in silence
    Verses written
    Without words

    This really spoke to me. 'Only heard in silence'. Such beautiful phrasing throughout.
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by words_can_heal | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]