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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Tears Will Find Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 31
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 868
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 222



    Description:
       I'm thinking of changing this to something like "as if they'd grown wheels" or something. Let me know what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Tears Will Find Youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My tears grew wheels
    that'll keep rolling
    until they find you
    disobeying every speed limit,
    carefully avoiding the sun
    until they reach your feet,
    and say how much I need you.




    Submitted on 2004-11-22 07:39:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It is sad and sweet. I rolled along the street with the tears. I like to avoid the sun as well, so the tears and I have that in common :)
    I don't think you should change the title. "My Tears Will Find You", to me, suggests sorrow and searching and is more intriguing than the other. I don't think I would have been as quick to read something entitled "as if they'd grown wheels."
    Cute poem.
    | Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by ber | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the image, and the use of wheels can relate back to how, sometimes, we can't let people go. Ugh. Trying to let one go right now but somehow he's managing to stick. Anyway, I don't think it's one of your best ones, but I still like the idea..

    -emo.
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by emo-tastic | [ Reply to This ]
      great image that your tears grow wheels. it's a sad but very sweet little love poem. nothing to criticize here. but I hope it's not written from experience and you don't miss Paul so much.
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem is very good. Sadness fills my heart because of the sense of longing that I know but it's very original. :) I really like the comparison you made. Good job Sunshine. And did you know that picture brings out the sunny-ness in you!?! ;) Have a great afternoon.
    -blt
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      Great image of your tears growing wheels. I'm a visual person in poetry, so I enjoy the abstract little physical properties you tend to place on things. I see teardrop placed between two wheels like a chariot. Racing forward...desparate to find the one who must be told.

    I hear you missing your man in this one...hope writing gets you a little closer maybe.

    And from your picture, I don't think you need a tanning bed...what the f.uck is Sharky talking about now? I glow in the dark I'm so pale...and I could care less...I was the kid in the T-shirt at the pool. Pale is beautiful!
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by marysunshine | [ Reply to This ]
      The image of a battalion of tiny tears on roller skates is such a vivid cartoon that it appears to undermine the feeling of loss you wish to convey. But the fantastic hyperbole actually does serve to show that sentiment by way of the back door-the statement reminds of the silly. yet tender "sweet nothings" lovers say to each other and that itself shows the nature of the relationship that has gone awry. The voice is that of a hurt child, wiping tears away and at the same time tauntingly resilient, making the best of the situation with her imagination. Very Good. Silver
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so sweet - though I can't decide whether it's more sad than funny. I'm picturing these giant tears rolling down the road - ducking behind trees until they finally find their target and roll over him - making him take notice of their plight. Guess you need an open mind for this one. Loved it!
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by Beulah | [ Reply to This ]
      There's a tragi- comic way here that I think of as your trademark. In our minds you would never paint something that would hurt anyone, and yet I know its coming from that place in you. But we write to take on they mystery of our puzzled selves, and the goal is to move to a higher level. Your analogy of tears on wheels is very sweet. The danger of the creative mind is that it can propel us negatively as well as positively. Please don't think too hard, because the best solution for you is on its way. Hugs, nan
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      To me, your writes remind me a lot of haikus because they so much in such a short amount of writing. This seemed like the kind of piece for me, when I first saw the title, and it turned out just that way, and its exactly how I feel at the moment as well. But hey, we all have little dips in positivity and I'm sure I'll get over it eventually. The write showed maturity for me when it compared the tears to wheels, and that was nice because it kind of took the attention away from my feelings, nice write!
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      the title to me said "revenge from the beyond" or something ominous in nature like that. but this is not that; rather, it's a vulnerable honesty of the spirit, the kind that comes with maturity to recognize what the heart wants and needs. i like that this wasn't self pitying and utterly without pride, as all good heart wrenching confessions should be. kind of reminds me of this part in Someone Like You (with Ashley Judd, Greg Kinnear, Hugh Jackman) where Ellen Barkin tells Ashley Judd how she got over herself, made a sandwich and told her ex that she was lost without him. anyhow, great write. =]

    ~Blue
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this poem, it was short and simple yet full of meaning..which is important. I'm not too fond of the "my tears grew wheels" part, but that's just me. Overall, though, I did like this. Nice work.
    -brandy
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by w0rdz_0f_wizd0m | [ Reply to This ]
      extremly wonderful , touching and heartbreaking at the same time which makes it rather wonderful and brings back the memories too well done keep on
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by Tarek Refaat | [ Reply to This ]
      awww...it's so sad. You make me wanna follow the wheel and rap the guy upside the head and scream "WAKE UP!" Nice work, as always.
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a cute little poem, well written too. The only thing I noticed that could be improved would be the last two lines that both end with 'you'. I think it will sound better if you find a way to reword the second last line. Just a suggestion, nice write.
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by Lostinbeer | [ Reply to This ]


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