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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Shadows And Whispersdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DarkenedSoul
    ASL Info:    30/m/astral dreams
    Elite Ratio:    4.29 - 77/60/17
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 279
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 899



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShadows And Whispersdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Theres an image of me
    hidden in the furthest recesses
    of my mind.
    An image of a boy;
    naked and dirty,
    crouching in a shadow darkened corner.
    He holds a knife in his hand
    to defend himself;
    to hurt himself.
    He fears the shadows
    and the whispers in the dark;
    people; people!
    He hates them!
    He's lost in paranoid delusions;
    pain and sorrow have driven him insane.
    He lashes out at nothing,
    trying to cut,
    to make something bleed.
    He feels a tinge of pain;
    they hurt him again.
    Blood drips from his blade;
    he got them,
    he hurt them too!
    He never realizes that with each strike;
    each lashing out,
    he feels that tinge of pain.
    Too lost in the madness to understand;
    shadows and whispers...have no blood.




    Submitted on 2004-11-22 14:31:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      well, all those semi-colons you have should all be replaced by commas... they're still the same thought, they aren't different at all and don't warrant them. i thought you might like to know that.

    i've read a few of your writes and i hate to stereotype but you are a "dark" writer. i don't know if that is how you want to be viewed but that's what you make me think.

    if you want to evolve from blood and guts i suggest trying to write of something else. i find it EASY to write morbidly... it's far harder to write of happy things. but that's just what i think.

    "bleed, pain, blood, cut, shadow, darkened, hurt" - these are all overused words in my opinion.

    but what do i know? i haven't been writing long. but i DO pick up on trends.

    ~patchouli
    | Posted on 2006-04-15 00:00:00 | by jetstream_candy | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you mean "sting of pain." This is scary. That poor tortured soul! This reminds me of a schizophrenic neighbor I once had. She'd curse out her lawn mower. Seriously, that and Alzheimer's are likely the scariest things that could happen to someone. This is powerful.
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      this is good. i really like it. it reminds me of my brother when he use to hear voices and they told him to hurt himself to feel better. that was a hard time in my life and it's interesting to see a glimpse of what it's like to be the person "crouching in a shadow darkened corner." nice imagery.**
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really deep...made me think...not easy to do...you said something about reasing it and so now i guess i do know your view on people and i liked the way that you expressed it. you didnt talk about how you didnt like them but instead made a character and said it through him. that was very creative.
    -sweet
    | Posted on 2005-01-11 00:00:00 | by sweet-fire | [ Reply to This ]



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