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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Please Caredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: words_can_heal
    ASL Info:    22 Female
    Elite Ratio:    3.56 - 79/111/22
    Words: 208
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 911
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1327



    Description:
       I've been steering away from free verse, and experiementing with rhyme and stuff the past week or so...This is again, related to my own experience...
    I hope it can mean something different to each of you....and you can appreciate it for what it is...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPlease Caredots
    -------------------------------------------


    I've got a packet of balloons that I'm saving.
    Saving them until a special day.
    Sometimes it's hard to save them,
    I have to see the packet everyday.

    Sometimes I want to tear it open.
    And put air into them all.
    Sometimes I want to have a party.
    And I don't want to have a war.

    There are pink balloons, yellow ones.
    And there are red ones in there too.
    Deep red, The colour of blood...
    I'm saving the red ones all for you.

    This here is my bedroom.
    I keep my balloons just over there.
    There's a colour for every feeling...
    And I'm going to ask you to please care.

    I'm saving you the red ones.
    Because they represent the pain.
    The pain that you have caused me...
    And will never inflict upon me again.

    But I can't open this here packet...
    Until you've gone away for good.
    I will sprinkle them all on top of you...
    when your body lies beneath the wood.

    Until this day the pain is war...
    The party won't start until you aren't there...
    Every time I close my eyes.....
    It hurts from you, please care.







    Submitted on 2004-11-23 02:02:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      pain and torment can be reflected upon in many ways, I love how you did this and hopefully someday the "red" balloons will turn into rose petals and happiness will once again abide in you, life is too short for you to dwell in pain, nicely done, have an awesome day...Bob:)
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by poetryman | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree with maki, but damme, girl... don't go being vindictive or anything! pretty scathing piece... i'd not want to be on the receiving end of THAT one... as for the 'under the wood' part... you gonna take up some floorboards in your room? that's kinda creepy- *nods her head* ... don't want none of that tell-tale heart stuffins... eeeeek! nice job!
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by MerryDeath | [ Reply to This ]
      Your rhyme scheme was good, but right here it got messed up,

    Sometimes I want to tear it open.
    And put air into them all.
    Sometimes I want to have a party.
    And I don't want to have a war.

    War and all don't rhyme. And the last sentence in that stanza didn't quite go with it, in my opinion. But then again, this isn't my poem.

    I think that it has a good main theme to it all the same. Nice write.

    -Meredith
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by Maki Kyomada | [ Reply to This ]


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