The end of the line by fortressofwords

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Submission Name: The end of the line dots

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Author:	fortressofwords
ASL Info:	22/F/Modesto
Elite Ratio:	4.57 - 168/153/23
Words:	50

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	254
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	381

Description:
I dont even know where this came from...like it or not I thought it so I wrote it...let me know what you think, good or bad I dont care.

The end of the line dots

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Ripe, wrinkled with age,
Dampens the spririt,
Reminded of younger days,
Adolescence now seems far,
No longer able to drive that big car,
Freedoms once taken for granted,
Tiny grandchildren from seeds planted,
Receding hairlines,
Curvature of once upright spines,
This is it,
The end of the line.

Submitted on 2004-11-23 02:07:50 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Nice work going for you here...a tad bit depressing...and it's true, many people are going through those same awkward yet tormenting feelings of becoming older and not being able to do the things they once used to do. It was considerably short but to the point and aptly done.
I enjoyed this write. Gonna read some more of yours definantly!
----wandering
| Posted on 2004-12-13 00:00:00 | by wanderingpoet16 | [ Reply to This ]
  I really enjoyed this. I liked the format and the length of the piece, displaying the brevity of life and the innevitability of the end, which will always come before it's wanted. Your matter of fact descriptions were very appropriate to the style. Overall a very effective piece of writing.
| Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by Jimma | [ Reply to This ]
  most of us are guilty of neglecting time as children because it is a concept that free spirits don't easily grasp without the understanding of life being a box that shrinks.

rambling little me.

anyway, good job
| Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
  This had a bit of nostalgia built-in with the regret of mortality. The heart of the write is the brevity of life. The spine reference was particularly clever.
| Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
  This is short and to the point, but I think that more could've been added to make it longer. Not that it was bad short, because it wasn't, but I think that more could've put in more to explain it, it could've been more drawn out. Still, I get the feeling that short is your style, and if that is true than I have no right criticising. In fact, I don't have that right anyway, being the fact that I'm not great at poetry myself. But that is what this site is for, for other writers to give feedback. So that is what I'm doing. Anyway, you have my view. And that is all I need to say.

-Meredith
| Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by Maki Kyomada | [ Reply to This ]

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