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    dots Submission Name: feel medots

    Author: k kin
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 56/51/12
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1072
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 637

       about losing the people you love.....especialy if its before their time........was actually trying to write a song..so its a bit songy.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfeel medots

    look at me mama,
    i am free now
    colours in the sky
    calling me
    calling me
    sorrow can't touch me
    no tomorrow to hurt me

    won't you smile for me
    you will know me
    more and more
    this world wasn't made
    for you and me
    doesn't mean we let it be
    so feel me
    feel me

    promise me somthing
    you won't miss my tears
    i don't need them now
    i am love
    i am love
    and i am with you
    i cannot leave you
    ever again
    never again

    Submitted on 2004-11-23 02:30:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The trancelike repetition does have an odd effect. It gives a creepiness to this write although Iím sure that wasnít what you were going for, I could be wrong though. But it could also be a meditative piece as well. Either way interesting and nice,

    | Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the repetition that you use, in many cases I find it can irritate the reader however with this piece it comes across differently - i would say you have succeeded in it being of a much more lyrical style. Nicely written piece, the rhythm flows and is enjoyable to read aloud and to oneself, and the imagery is strong and welcoming... nicely done, and thank you for sharing.
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by Transcendancing | [ Reply to This ]
      there is such an aggressive undertone in this poem which makes it more promising than it seems. that sense where you recieve freedom but with the price of more weight place inside is actually quite ironic. this piece says so much that deals with those internal conflicts influenced by outer forces.

    good job.
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      This peice is full of intense emotion, very clearly expressed. Yes you're right, it is a bit songy. The repetitions at the end of each stanza/verse would prolly work better in a song than in poetry, but overall, this was quite enjoyable. Particularly these lines:

    'promise me somthing
    you won't miss my tears
    i don't need them now'

    These was quite a good piece. Thanx for your words.
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by Jimma | [ Reply to This ]

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