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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Street Lights Noticeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: matt73
    ASL Info:    18/m/can
    Elite Ratio:    3.57 - 85/136/37
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 344
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 777



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Street Lights Noticeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    We strayed in the nights excitement
    stood under street lights
    talked among fellow insomniacs
    We were temporarily united
    In a strange comfort
    the street lights noticed
    flickered a sign of acknowledgment
    we laughed with astonished faces
    as the moon reflected our shadows
    We walked home at dawn
    felt we did no wrong
    no regret
    we remember the street lights
    they flickered for us, they noticed
    you and I and our nights adventure
    adding to the memory
    adding to the serendipity
    Lets do it again tomorrow night
    Lets see if the street lights will notice
    our commitment to the night
    lets wait for its flicker
    lets add to the memory.




    Submitted on 2004-11-23 10:58:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      WELL WELL...hmmm...why have I not found you before this I ask myself...you're so talented I feel as if I almost missed out on some thing really good...but now that I know...well...
    I'm now watching you

    This was very classic in the way that the chill of memory almost haunts the reader...beautiful
    I like the way you used 'lights' over again...if it was mine...I would have changed it but I'm not you so...good flippen job man..awesome

    Thanks again for the read
    Kelly
    | Posted on 2004-11-25 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this a lot, but maybe you could say streetlamp or something instead of saying street light every time. People do look different under street lights. Have you ever noticed how some are peachy, some are violet, and some are yellowish?
    | Posted on 2004-11-24 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      i think that you have some interesting things to say in here and you convey them with reasonable aplomb. however the lack of punctuation is very distracting, and does not give us time to take in each line as it is conveyed. it also means that the piece is read as a list, like in-and-out-and-next. i feel you need to give us a chance to take in what you are saying, to enjoy the things you have written that we can relate to.
    if you were a schizophrenic or bi-polar or runningfrombuzzingandhissing then the structure, or lack of, may have had effect, but here i feel you could use punctuation to your advantage in taking us on a journey, moving us where you want us to go, and controlling the way we read your piece.
    and that is that.
    take care
    on1eday.co.uk
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by on1eday.co.uk | [ Reply to This ]
      this is like some psyched-out meth-induced sentimental thing. i think. otherwise, i don't understand the "did no wrong" part. also i don't understand the "add to the memory part" unless you view life as a single memory and not a collection of recollections. however that's spelled. but i did enjoy the sentiment. the idea that sinanimate objcects would somehow give you a sign of approval. of course, to contrue it as such, you must be looking for approval. and you're looking in very strange places. sorry this makes no sense.
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]
      Although the repetitiveness of the recurring theme border on redundancy the piece has a soothing and yet exciting quality to it. I love the thought that inanimate objects notice and acknowledge us. I love your use of the word serendipity. I love the ending too! ...lets wait for its flicker/lets add to the memory
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]



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