[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Wedots

    Author: ViCiOuSWrItEr
    ASL Info:    18/Female/Desolate
    Elite Ratio:    3.97 - 890/865/108
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1188
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 690

       ahh... I could do better.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    A filthy crystal
    a tired feather,
    a cherry bat
    screeching and trapped.
    Weeved together we are,
    in a spider's web
    she's widowed,
    cried together
    died together
    she tastes the lead, its bitter.
    The tiny peices of razor sharp glitter
    wash through my eyes
    slicing and peeling tissues of disgusting lies
    Her plastic jesus means nothing to us
    bendable nazareth quakes through us
    bloody thorns fill your hands,
    from removing each one from my head, my land
    we stretch silently
    across this place
    it's no longer jesus' space.
    We prevailed.

    Submitted on 2004-11-23 12:37:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is a very dark poem. You touch on some really dark content with this poem and I think you have a good way of expressing yourself. Your poems have a uniqueness to them which is very refreshing. This one lives on the edge so to speak by risking offending some people who may believe differently than you spiritually. I am not overly religious so these words didnt bother me at all, but I wonder if these are your views or just the expression of the poem? Either way, your expression of feelings here is good and the poem is original. Take care.

    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this sounds very original...quite interesting, I am impressed, your alias already seemed to be intriguing..:) Good thing for you. You impress the reader with the first three lines, they just force to read further...really. Sometimes I cant read poem till the end, if it gets boring, or is too long, but your form is great and easy to read, although the content is complicated, and the main thought is not that easy to catch, but that's a good thing, cos the poetry has to be mysterious, with lots of subtexts ;) Awesome write. Alright, take care!:)
    | Posted on 2005-01-28 00:00:00 | by Dana | [ Reply to This ]
      Well...it's okay. I am a religious person so I don't really like the references to Jesus in such a dark way. Other than that it was very vivid. I liked it to an extent. Good work.
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]