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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ViCiOuSWrItEr
    ASL Info:    18/Female/Desolate
    Elite Ratio:    3.97 - 890/865/108
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1278
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 690



    Description:
       ahh... I could do better.


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    dotsWedots
    -------------------------------------------


    A filthy crystal
    a tired feather,
    a cherry bat
    screeching and trapped.
    Weeved together we are,
    in a spider's web
    she's widowed,
    cried together
    died together
    she tastes the lead, its bitter.
    The tiny peices of razor sharp glitter
    wash through my eyes
    slicing and peeling tissues of disgusting lies
    Her plastic jesus means nothing to us
    bendable nazareth quakes through us
    bloody thorns fill your hands,
    from removing each one from my head, my land
    we stretch silently
    across this place
    it's no longer jesus' space.
    We prevailed.




    Submitted on 2004-11-23 12:37:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a very dark poem. You touch on some really dark content with this poem and I think you have a good way of expressing yourself. Your poems have a uniqueness to them which is very refreshing. This one lives on the edge so to speak by risking offending some people who may believe differently than you spiritually. I am not overly religious so these words didnt bother me at all, but I wonder if these are your views or just the expression of the poem? Either way, your expression of feelings here is good and the poem is original. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this sounds very original...quite interesting, I am impressed, your alias already seemed to be intriguing..:) Good thing for you. You impress the reader with the first three lines, they just force to read further...really. Sometimes I cant read poem till the end, if it gets boring, or is too long, but your form is great and easy to read, although the content is complicated, and the main thought is not that easy to catch, but that's a good thing, cos the poetry has to be mysterious, with lots of subtexts ;) Awesome write. Alright, take care!:)
    | Posted on 2005-01-28 00:00:00 | by Dana | [ Reply to This ]
      Well...it's okay. I am a religious person so I don't really like the references to Jesus in such a dark way. Other than that it was very vivid. I liked it to an extent. Good work.
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]


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