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    dots Submission Name: Always and Foreverdots

    Author: elephantasia
    ASL Info:    37/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 398/490/160
    Words: 333
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 813
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2202


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAlways and Foreverdots

    Water lives in many different guises,
    and never dies,
    but changes

    A snowflake falls to rest
    and melts;
    and dries;
    and rises up
    to fall again.
    Always changing,
    always constant,
    always there,

    Nothing comes from nothing
    No thing can ever be nothing
    There are no natural vacuums.

    Consider then your life.
    How can it come to nothing?
    Do we live only to die?
    Is there a beginning or an end?
    Or do we all just change states?

    Life; the only constant is change
    Life; the art of becoming different.

    So if I should melt away today
    Know that I do not die
    Just change in state...

    Tomorrow I may become the sunrise
    I will smile my warmth on you
    Please smile back then, and you will warm me too.
    I may become the misty rain, softly patting your cheek,
    caressing away the tears.
    Feel me then, and you will touch me too.
    I may become the whispering wind, whistling in your ear.
    Raising your spirits.
    Let yourself laugh with me then, the sound of your laughter will make me happy too.

    I will be, always; and I will come to you in many ways,
    I will be many things.
    I am pure energy
    vibrating differently,
    that's all!
    Free to change
    Free to become
    So do not mourn.
    Open your eyes and you will see me
    reach out and you will feel my presence
    Listen, and you will hear my love speaking to you.
    I will be the bird that bursts into song when you walk by,
    I will be the flowering beauty
    that surrounds you.
    I will be the scent of a memory
    on a sudden breeze.
    I will be the breath, soft against your cheek
    When no one else is close.
    Recognise me then,
    and know that I am;
    always with you;
    always changing;
    always becoming;
    never ending;
    I am, and so are you.
    and forever.

    Submitted on 2004-11-23 14:51:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You have a wealth of profound ideas here. This might be two or three poems if you took it apart and looked at how the theme actually changes. One is about water, and it's changes, then you speak of human changes, then the final theme is a love poem, how you see the reflection of love in nature. The third part,(love) Open your eyes.. until the end, that's one poem. It's your choice how to edit this, but I prefer one theme written strongly, so there is no question as to it's meaning. You have some very fine material here, I would take out anything that repeats an idea.
    And everything that sounds like telling, you want to display a philosphy, not actually say it. Does that make any sense? nansofast
    | Posted on 2004-11-25 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      I follow your theme here. I think you may have too much padding. For example, in S3, the first and second lines are really the same. You could cut the second right out and it doesn't change the meaning at all.

    Also in places like S2 where there are lists,

    snowflake falls to rest
    and melts;
    and dries;
    and rises up
    to fall again.

    You can write

    snowflake falls to rest
    rises up
    to fall again.

    But that's just a suggestion. You know what they say about free advice. I give a double your money back guarantee!

    But if you feel there is some merrit in my ideas, you could go through the whole piece with a similar eye.

    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is a remarkable piece. I often wonder what's next. There has to be more. Where will my soul actually go? To live basically is to die. You just have to deal with what's in between. You got very deep on this. You analyzed life and after life. Great!
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      i don't exactly see how that would comfort griefing. however i did find this piece very interesting, though i do not believe that there is always something there watching and changing from. I believe you control you fate and that you dont have to believe in something in order to comfort yourself except yourself.
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by Spankey | [ Reply to This ]

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