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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: From Symphony of the Wolfdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KrimsonReaper
    ASL Info:    26/M/Denver, CO
    Elite Ratio:    4.61 - 328/443/46
    Words: 310
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 664
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1891



    Description:
       Symphony of the Wolf is a piece that I have been working on since 1999, and I am still nowhere close to being finished. In truth, it is actually a novel written in a poetic format, and the poem is set within the confines of a four movement symphony. Alternating between lyrical verse and prose poetry, it tells the story of my sly protagonist, Demetrius Wolf, and of his Faustian encounter with the evil Maestro.
    The Maestro is a thief of souls—although he is not a demonic or Satanic being—but he only has the power to take one soul each generation, and that soul must be of one who is the gravest of sinners. Demetrius has been chosen, but the Maestro has no illusions about the difficulty of his task. The Wolf is formidable, and to conquer him Maestro must use his most unique strategy yet.
    And that is all of the preview of this work that I will give. I am not sure when, or if ever, it shall be finished, but I can assure that it will be perfect before I release it to open readership. The excerpt I’ve included is from the first section of the poem/symphony’s First Movement.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFrom Symphony of the Wolfdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Aghast, late in the even, aseat alone in shadow,
    I brood alone in silence, with hours till the morrow.
    And in my hands I hold a dead, antique victrola,
    Found next to a menorah I’ve never known to cast its glow:
    Treasures of the attic milieu, cherished friends I long to know.
    I greet them kind, and make it so.

    I set down the music box before me, wipe its dust away,
    Regretting as I touch it, certain it will never play
    The arias and joyous tunes that its cone would call and croon
    To dancers in the light of moon, children in the light of day—
    Specters that shall n’er again find that sun’s sweet golden rays,
    The moonlight also cast away.

    But still I grasp the rusted crank, and turn with all my might,
    Forcing the old victrola’s gears their verdigris to fight.
    At first, they will not turn a bit, but then finally submit,
    And now I sit and stare at it, seized by uninvited fright,
    Swallowing my newfound dread, wishing that it were not night,
    Wondering how to take my flight.

    Then, from the ancient gramophone, emits a quiet euphony,
    That languidly becomes a truly eerie harmony
    Of strings and drums and horns, whose descants cry forlorn,
    Of woodwind whistles torn—a pleading strident melody,
    A philharmonic of the lost, preparing for a symphony;
    An awful, baneful symphony.

    The volume swells within my ears, What does it mean? I wish to know.
    Who is the wicked parent of this hymn of guilty sorrow?
    So, thus determined, I resign to discover its design.
    Yes, its purpose I’ll define, I’ll hunt and find the source of woe!
    And then I saw the culprit, a conductor’s stick in tow;
    He introduced himself as Maestro…




    Submitted on 2004-03-17 18:14:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This piece is absolutely amazing (before I go on, if...and when you get this thing done, and published, I'm buying a copy...lol) The lines were so haunting, it felt as if I were reading something by Poe, honestly. This piece has the creative genius that the classics do.
    "But still I grasp the rusted crank, and turn with all my might,
    Forcing the old victrola’s gears their verdigris to fight."

    Lines like that are what capture the reader, and make want more...more...more. It is just a perfectly flowing piece...and I say...well done.
    ~Anarius~
    | Posted on 2004-08-06 00:00:00 | by Anarius | [ Reply to This ]
      Angela has basically said what I was going to.. however you know me, you know how I nit pick... I'll live up to my reputation..

    The second half of the second stanza keeps knotting my tongue.. in slow revision it works fluidly, but on recital... it's twisting. I'm not sure why *rereads again*
    "Specters that shall n’er again find that sun’s sweet golden rays,"

    The last few words of that trip me consistently.. but I can offer little in the way of suggestions. In the preceding line, you use "light" twice, but I don't think it's working.. perhaps "shroud of moon"?

    Does the rhyme flow perfectly to you? It's not for me, but that may be my own retarded sense of rhythm.. So bear with me if I destroy it, I don't mean to.

    I really don't like the way that the end of each stanza falls short abruptly. I can see what you are doing in the contruction, whilst not mimicking, it is similar to "The Raven".

    "Forcing the old victrola’s gears their verdigris to fight"
    or?
    Forcing ancient organ's gears their verdigris to fight?

    Just because you've just victrola..I think baneful may perhaps work better as "baleful"

    "Who is the wicked parent of this hymn of guilty sorrow?"
    or?
    Who is the malevolent creator of this hymm of guilty sorrow?

    On the final line, it says to me that adding "the" before maestro might help the syllabic flow... but as I said I'm trying to comment on the rhyme in case I fux it up.

    You know I'm not ripping this apart but trying to offer some help? (you wouldn't believe the crap I've been getting from people over criticism, lately) *rereads one last time*

    There are some punctuation errors, all to do with "its".. you'll see them.

    Critiques aside.. this was excellent.. a lyrical fairy tale in the Old Way...the way they were before the advent of Disney and Bambi.

    RSVP :D
    | Posted on 2004-05-20 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      ps What i really wanted to say was You're a pro! while the rest of us (I speak for myself of course) would like to be
    | Posted on 2004-04-04 00:00:00 | by Lodi | [ Reply to This ]
      Having read this I now appreciate the scathing comments you have written about other people's work
    | Posted on 2004-04-04 00:00:00 | by Lodi | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed this. It reads well with a good rythym. Nice job of eerie quality while talking about an inate object. I hope to read more of your work. Lisa
    | Posted on 2004-03-27 00:00:00 | by matissesgirl | [ Reply to This ]
      I did not like this for the same reasons I did not like the Cantabury Tales...but thats not really putting it down at all.
    -MyX
    | Posted on 2004-03-18 00:00:00 | by MyX | [ Reply to This ]
      This is quite wonderful and creative-if it gets much more perfect I would be surprised.
    | Posted on 2004-03-17 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      I am appalled by the lack of thought put into each and every one of these previous comments. They either told you they liked it or hated it, but no one gave sufficient explanation as to why. Shameful!

    I love the old fashioned speech -(and yes, "even" would have been part of this time period speech pattern)- and the feel of Poe that kind of resonates. Eerie and yet poetic. Creepily facinating.

    While tromping through the attic, mysterious items are discovered, the victrola being one of them. So old it is that it's patina has began to green and hold the intracate parts in place. Yet, Wolf persists in his need to hear this victrola and the music it will play. Once he frees the crank, something sinister seems to be released and he feels his fear take it's grip. Just as he is ready to bolt from it's presence it begins to play music that would seem to be played by a band of fallen angels. Haunting and yet awful at the same time. He wonders who could have created such music and such a device on which it is played. He starts to obsess upon the idea of answering these questions when suddenly who should appear?.....Ta Da!

    This is wonderfully written Aaron. I love the style and although it is very formal, it is quite easily understood. You have undertaken quite an ambitious project. I wish it much success.
    | Posted on 2004-04-29 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]



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