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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sing with the Breezedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Josh
    ASL Info:    17/nh
    Elite Ratio:    5.61 - 276/226/30
    Words: 144
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 278
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 989



    Description:
       be reminded of your roots.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSing with the Breezedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Complex like the ocean
    Fill my empty cup,
    Leave nothing undone
    and tye everything up.

    Careful to please
    and the moon will reply,
    on the darkest nights
    Learn to Let go with ease.

    All is nothing when nothing is planned,
    time for the now and
    and for everything grand

    Never regret,
    and learn to fly
    quite in nature
    and leave the sleeping to lie.

    As you trudge through the fields
    and look over the trees,
    Be mindful, be small
    and carefull see.

    Mind outstretched
    and legs ready in coil
    be ready to spring
    for the inevitable toil

    See your friends in a flower,
    and you then will know
    to find joy in a detour
    Just feel the flow.

    Laugh at the mountains,
    and sing with the breeze,
    but you are no more important
    then the thougtful sea.




    Submitted on 2004-11-23 17:15:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Nice poem. Good use of language, not too much and pondering the poem. There is alot of great dynamics. Maybe more emotion or personal? I dunno, just trying to help
    | Posted on 2005-01-30 00:00:00 | by aprilrenee101 | [ Reply to This ]
      Reminds me of "Learning to Fly" by Pink Floyd, which is one of my absolute favorite songs. Beautiful.
    Just a few typos (sorry, I have grammar issues):
    Stanza 1: tye = tie
    Stanza 4: quite = quiet?
    Stanza 5: carefull = carefully (forgot the y) :)
    Stanza 8: then = than, and the h that Someone's Epiphany mentioned.
    Terribly sorry to be so picky, but sometimes little typos can get in the way of an incredibly gorgeous poem.
    I have to add that I especially like the line "see your friends in a flower." Not quite sure why, but that one seemed to jump out at me more so than any other.
    | Posted on 2004-12-10 00:00:00 | by ber | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey man this is a freggin great poem. I love the respect for nature and the joy it seems you get from it. Only one short spelling error... on the last line of the fifth stanza you left the L out of carefully... and that be it bro, i enjoyed it very much and i'm really glad you shared it with us... Please man, check out some of my work as well... Take care... Travis
    | Posted on 2004-11-24 00:00:00 | by Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha | [ Reply to This ]
      While I do think that this poem was well worded, I really just didn't connect. I felt like there was something missing. I would really like to see you take on something that revolves around man's nature. But that is just my opinion.
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by sistersinister | [ Reply to This ]
      im thinking you dont need your double 'and' in stanza 3...

    thoughtful in the last line needs a lil 'h' too...

    i liked the flow of this piece... it kinda danced along... kinda like... julie andrews and the hills are alive with the sound of music... it was vibrant and i almost thought i knew the tune... very well done.
    your imagery is incredible and i especially like

    All is nothing when nothing is planned,
    time for the now and
    and for everything grand

    i love how this rolls of my tongue as i read it aloud... you truely do have a skill with words... i do not understand why ppl arent telling you how amazing you are more often...
    | Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with sistersinster. My mind kept getting sidetracked. It just didn't capture my attention. Not being mean or anything just my opinion.
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by Pogirl | [ Reply to This ]
      I am a very big camper, and I love the feelings behind this Poem. I strive to keep that natural attitude going the whole trip. Nice write.
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by solararia | [ Reply to This ]



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