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    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dreaming Man's Landdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Josh
    ASL Info:    17/nh
    Elite Ratio:    5.61 - 276/226/30
    Words: 297
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 332
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1861



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDreaming Man's Landdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Fools! they call...
    and Fools they may be!
    Hours are wasted
    but could never pick him out
    in a crowd.
    Day in and day out
    through the people,
    and spirits,
    The vast land of the rich
    the privelege escapes him.
    He wipes the pollen of his shirt
    and walks on, no set pattern
    leaving logic behind him
    and flat nothing in front.
    Leave no trace of where your going
    but remember where you have been.
    Waves of people stare
    short wisps of whispers
    linger on the air.
    Drink to the new life, of cadence and love.
    The masses of people call to him from afar
    to give up and turn back, even though he is this far.
    Violent in nature,
    the perceptive beats roar.
    They beat their war drums.
    and run wild, and dissedent to all
    compassion and trust.
    Truth like acid, are fed to the children.
    Incest of the mind, the man hums to himself.
    and the steps to heaven
    are slowly removed, one by one.
    The clouds point the direction
    where the young man will walk
    His mind on his sleeve,
    and step rhythm unbroken.
    Choose to be alive, and live to be free
    Shards of time shoot in every direction,
    Lucky to men, the conciousness is revived.

    One might realize that distance like moss
    grows and grows... and never stops.
    And the wise man will say, to love is to live.
    Knowledge and wisdom, speak often and bashfully.
    Red faced and withdrawn, mankinds fate is known.
    To live is to love, and to live is to be free
    Follow the man, and you may see
    and new world in a garden, a face in the sand,
    all point in the direction of
    the dreaming man's land.




    Submitted on 2004-11-23 20:37:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      HA! Never cease to amaze me. I loved the ending. I reminded me of a song, after the end, the chorus remains silent. After a few seconds of awestuck silence the audience roars. That resounding silence filled my mind(which may be a bad thing...no brain for me) after I finished reading this poem. I dont have to tell you its good because without doubt I am sure you already know.
    | Posted on 2004-12-25 00:00:00 | by impassive sky | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, I loved it never saw you on here befor . you should keep posting ifthey are this good You remind me of a really good book I read but I for got what it was called.
    Keep it up.
    Kacey
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by Lachesis | [ Reply to This ]
      yes i agree that that there were some grammatical errors,and i really loved how you strung thoughts toghether... very nice technique! it is very easy to get lost in your poem though. but i really like the end
    -jellybelly
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by jellybean4 | [ Reply to This ]
      Oooo, I really like the last bit. I like how it just seems to be thoughts, but they all are strung together.

    You write excellent imagery.

    There were a few grammatical errors, but I'll let them slide, because I really like this.
    | Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by Candibat | [ Reply to This ]
      "leave no trace of where your going and remember where you've been" moving on never sounded this good. I was just going through people who've commented for me and I guess I just got lucky cause, wow. I love the wisps of whispers thing, like they hang in the air like smoke. the use of to live is to be free twice, i liked that. this was very clever. congratulations, i actually complimented you, most people arent that lucky. I usually find something wrong with everything, and except for a few trivial and very nit-picky things in here, there's nothing wrong with it. cheers
    | Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by ariadne | [ Reply to This ]
      i think it should be he wipes the pollen OFF his shirt... you have of...

    Truth like acid, are fed to the children.
    should be truths like acid...
    or truth like acid fed to the children...

    and new world in a garden
    a new world in a garden perhaps...?

    i hope you dont mind but i just thought id point out these wee issues you got going on here instead of saying something like "you have a few gramatical errors" coz like thats gonna help anything..
    i really like your imagery... your message... the man... i love him...
    i have a coupla issues with

    Leave no trace of where your going
    but remember where you have been.

    it changes the whole personage of the poem for two lines... seems kinda out of place (by personage i mean personal pronoun maybe... i never paid attention in english sorry but yeah... you go from "he" to "you" and it doesnt seem to be very consistant...

    One might realize that distance like moss
    grows and grows... and never stops.

    i LOVED this... its so deep and profound to me today... and im thinking well... distance from what... not just physical distance but emotional and spiritual too... maybe even more so than physical...
    so yeah... another great write sir... youve got some true style!
    | Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]



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