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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Between Stomach and Lungsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jester_Gesture
    ASL Info:    23/f
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 365/459/201
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Prose/Passion
    Total Views: 883
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 798



    Description:
       About a kiss.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBetween Stomach and Lungsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It began as a fluttering, with each pain,
    there in the middle's vulnerable spots.
    Where death comes easily
    as the heart beats in romantic tunes.
    Then it surges, as the door opens.
    For a few moments my chest nearly bursts.
    It passes quickly, the flutter
    becomes a gentle, warm peace.
    I drive my courage into night,
    jested and requested, till all was received.
    There was a time that I could not describe it.
    "Softer than how life's been lately,"
    the words I first choose.
    "Harder than the earth I stood upon."
    A last elaboration was asked for.
    "A flutter between stomach and lungs,
    but I'm not sure if that's good or bad."




    Submitted on 2004-11-24 00:29:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      you have a pretty way of making nerves and reticence coyly beautiful. and i especially love the title. i'm gonna knock you out and steal it someday. i like how you threw in the aspect that the other person is asking how it was. who does that but the very honest? who answers but the very nice? excellent piece. the word choice was awesome and i just love the freshness of a situation i could easily see myself in, although i'd probably be the nice one answering rather than asking. i could never ask how it was. thanks for sharing this. =]

    ~Blue
    | Posted on 2004-11-24 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      upoon should be upon, i like the reference to pain in the first line, brings a side of passion many do not see out into the light, the rest of your descriptions life, earth, and the flutter are quite original, possibly one of the best descriptions of a kiss I have ever read, the first passionate kiss is special,
    | Posted on 2004-11-24 00:00:00 | by brokenbatman | [ Reply to This ]
      This got closer to describing the feeling of being in love and having the butterflies to me than a kiss. Maybe something was pushing against your stomach? Sorry, can't help myself from making silly jokes. Anyways, this was a nice mellow poem, keep it up.
    | Posted on 2004-11-27 00:00:00 | by Lostinbeer | [ Reply to This ]


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