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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Immortalitydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jimma
    ASL Info:    22/m/Melb Aust
    Elite Ratio:    4.75 - 217/234/54
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 907
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 842



    Description:
       Not all poetry is angsty style stuff. Sometimes I'm happy. Let me know what you think


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsImmortalitydots
    -------------------------------------------


    I look at the world
    And at life
    And I see nothing
    But startling, blinding beauty
    In laser-cut
    Diamond-edged clarity

    Nothing could tame
    My elated spirit

    I see joy in all
    I see
    I have found freedom
    From all that held me
    To the ground

    I try to communicate
    My feeling
    But fail

    None of these words
    And none
    In any tongue suffice
    To say what I wish to

    I take all the happiness
    Of my life
    Multiply it infinitely
    Condense it into one moment
    And there is no comparison
    With my current state of joy

    I look directly at the sun
    And unrestrained and certain
    I scream
    "I am immortal"




    Submitted on 2004-11-24 07:00:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      SMILE! This is one of the first times i've read something on here that did not rhyme, but i thought flowed really well, and that i liked...thinking about adding it to favs...
    | Posted on 2004-11-24 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]
      Love it! It flows well despite the structure, so kudos. love the first stanza thingy of this poem, it kinda throws you for a loop because of the first three lines indicating some sort of sad poem, but the fourth line changes the feel entirely. all in all, its a very good read!

    IHS,
    shuford
    | Posted on 2004-11-24 00:00:00 | by littleshuford | [ Reply to This ]
      first i would like to say that i felt the words were very strong. this piece has that ability to captiviate people who have never read poetry. personally i enjoyed reading it and im sure others will. on another note, im a stickler for rhyme thats the only thing i felt it kinda lacked but dont think that the lack of rhyming took away from the power of the words. this is just a personal feedback. really nice work!
    | Posted on 2004-11-24 00:00:00 | by dylanpoe | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the way your poem builds to it's climax. I do have a problem though with the way you discribe life as a "diamond" but I can understand why, because "diamond's are a girls best friend" right?
    | Posted on 2004-11-24 00:00:00 | by vvv | [ Reply to This ]
      great piece. definitely a feeling that most in your age group can relate to. the feeling of immortality, unfortunately, will pass-enjoy it while you can. I love how you describe seeing beauty all around you; too many people are unable to do this, and that's a very sad thing. There's a lot of power here and a lot of emotion. Once again, great write, keep it up.
    J
    | Posted on 2004-11-24 00:00:00 | by bentnotbroken | [ Reply to This ]
      So powerful a read. I also liked the way it sounded when I read it aloud. I did the shouting as was proper. What a wonderful feeling if we could all look around and see the beauty in our lives each day.
    | Posted on 2004-11-24 00:00:00 | by greensnake | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem reminds me of a vampire tale, I love it. I especially love the part "And I see nothing
    But startling, blinding beauty In laser-cut
    Diamond-edged clarity"
    It kind of reminds me of Lestat's view upon the world. Keep me posted on future writtings.
    Jaymi
    | Posted on 2004-12-07 00:00:00 | by theDevilsPocket | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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