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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Distinctdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Tears of Azrael
    ASL Info:    14/F/Lost
    Elite Ratio:    5.47 - 107/102/25
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 768
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 691



    Description:
       I don't know what I was feeling when I wrote this. Remorse, hate, sorrow, emptiness...I had to read this out loud to decipher its meaning, which is was, I have come to know, not a pleasant one. Love it or hate it, feel free to express. This was the best I could get out of writer's block (breakthrough! O.o)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDistinctdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Burnt at the stake, they have not sinned
    Dirty lies that can never be redeemed
    To wish have sought the endless morrow
    Destiny of truth has bought no sorrow
    Yet we hear the lonely notes of the violin
    Resonates a hurt soul poisoned from within
    No air, the nothingness of existence
    The living moral of unwanted consistence
    But visions of black hold no resplendance
    Is the drained heart the result of a horrid romance?
    This hope savored--it's all secondhand
    They agree upon it but still fail to understand
    Kill the thirst with morphia of a single tear
    Your god has gone--watch the churches disappear




    Submitted on 2004-11-24 14:19:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Powerful write...I noticed a few similar things I would change that CeeVee touched on. The flow works good overall, but a few simple mistakes took away from the beauty.

    "Kill the thirst with morphia in a single tear"
    I definitely have to agree with CeeVee here that if you changed the "in" into a "of", the imagery would stand out more and make it more powerful.

    "Existance" in the 7th line should be "Existence" if I am correct, but it is early in the morning so idk yet, I am still asleep haha.

    I have read a few of your poems so far, and they all have very strong imagery, good descriptions, and interesting concepts. Keep the poems and the darkness coming...

    Later
    | Posted on 2005-05-02 00:00:00 | by xeternalshadowx | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting write. You sort of rhyme, and that works for you. I'm not so sure about the topic, but as it is now, you wrote it well.

    Nice job.

    -emo.
    | Posted on 2004-11-24 00:00:00 | by emo-tastic | [ Reply to This ]


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