caged emotions
drain the breath from my lungs
cause me to sit
waiting for death to retrieve
this vacant vessel
from the cold hard truth
that i'll never be
much more than me
i hoped
for more from these mortal hands
i prayed that life
would hold more meaning for me
i can't help but think
the temple that is me
is not much more than a castaway dream
from which i wake to the sounds of my screams
so i hold true
to the pain that has lasted this long
i let go of
my false hopes and fears
still i wonder and ponder
how i'm supposed to react
to the knowledge of my coming demise
at the hands of those i despise
*
The first stanza seems to be composed of nothing but mere fragments. Maybe adding some punctuation would help as it would allow the reader to know how to, well you know... read it right. It sounds like there's a lot of emotion going on in this poem, however, but it is a little blunt toward the end when the narrator just talks about pain and inevitable demise. It's hard to follow up on what the true meaning of your poem is. Depression, the world ending, broke up with a boyfriend, etc. There's a lot of possibilities, so you might want to work on concentrating on one specific idea and state why it is exactly that everything is going wrong and why the world is ending and such.
I appreciate your poem's format though. It seems really laid-back, and nice and easy to read through.
Submission Name: wonder
