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    dots Submission Name: Breaking Your Chaindots

    Author: sistersinister
    ASL Info:    30/f/Tulsa Oklahoma
    Elite Ratio:    3.99 - 101/113/29
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1257
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 644


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    dotsBreaking Your Chaindots

    I used to pride myself on my ability to survive
    Thinking always it is enough that I was alive
    But I've changed, as people always do
    And I've grown away from the anchor of you
    I know now where it is that heaven can be found
    But I cannot reach it; chained by you to the ground
    I know what it takes to finally feel alive
    You see living means more than the ability to survive
    It means rushing headlong to meet each day
    Having no regrets, no chains, along the way
    So I'm sorry if I have broken your heart
    But I must leave to have the chance to start

    Submitted on 2004-11-25 06:02:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the images you've made of being held back by someone. I've always thought of it as hitching your wagon to a dead mule...I can relate.
    Your structure and rhyme worked very well, but I would agree with Gadfly that the last line could be reworked to make the piece even better. Might I suggest something like:
    'the chain must be broken for my journey to start.' Just a thought...take it for what its worth. ;)
    Happy Thanksgiving!
    | Posted on 2004-11-25 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked everything except the last line, which could improve with re-wording. It just fell flat.

    This was a very strong message and great thought.
    | Posted on 2004-11-25 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
      very straight forward. you pulled no punches here.I can relate to this it was my decision at 16 and 19 it was time to live not just survive...just surving at that age was killing me. I like this poem alot.
    | Posted on 2004-11-25 00:00:00 | by wildheart | [ Reply to This ]

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