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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hallwaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: closebutremote
    ASL Info:    22/M/FL
    Elite Ratio:    2.69 - 54/77/16
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1053
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 521



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHallwaydots
    -------------------------------------------



    moving through a passage
    you can stop at any door,
    you look into the room,
    and stay a little while,
    but then you'll see you wanted more,
    continue through the passage expecting more to see,
    you add expierience and lose the will to explore,
    you turn around and head back,
    but you will see
    that the room you had went to
    will no longer be
    then you soon realize
    there are no more doors




    Submitted on 2004-11-25 17:23:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Yeah, we all want more, and when we get more, we want more still. This reminds me of these dreams that I have of buildings. It'll look like a normal house, but it'll have all sorts of underground stories and secret rooms. It should be "lose." You also need to give this a thorough proofreading for punctuation and such.
    | Posted on 2004-11-26 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      Overall I like what you have done and the message that you are presenting... however i think you could work on the presentation a little more to make this a great piece...
    | Posted on 2004-11-25 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      lovely message/images in this piece. what roygbiv said was basically what i had to say.

    love the way it fell together. the rhyming seemed a bit... i dont know. it didn't sit well with me, but i did like the overall piece.
    | Posted on 2004-11-25 00:00:00 | by XxMusikJunkiexX | [ Reply to This ]
      This is another one that I'm interpreting most likely different than how it's made to be. A hallway of doors, each door as an option, and the hallway as a choice that starts it. You explore the options, but when you turn around and go back on your decision, the options aren't there anymore and you're forced in one direction.
    The structure of this was good and there was no problem I could see with the flow. Pretty much technically speaking it was good. Speaking out of metaphor or idea, it was great. I really enjoyed it.
    Keep writing, we'll keep reading
    ~Spire~
    | Posted on 2004-11-25 00:00:00 | by Spire | [ Reply to This ]


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