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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Visitdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: closebutremote
    ASL Info:    22/M/FL
    Elite Ratio:    2.69 - 54/77/16
    Words: 68
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 931
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 481



    Description:
       I thought about this as i wrote my last one "touch of my hand"


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsVisitdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You come into my room,
    It's in the middle of the night,
    All I hear is heavy breathing,
    I don't understand the meaning,
    But you leave me smiling....



    You people want more,
    But what for?
    The reason behind this you can't ignore,
    This subject brings me interest, much allure,
    Don't look too deep into it,
    Because he was just a whore.

    There's your more.




    Submitted on 2004-11-25 23:02:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Yeah, was to short kind of got my hopes up and was like " wtf " then all damnit I want more. Please add more I want to see!

    Cheers
    | Posted on 2004-11-25 00:00:00 | by Abort_Chaotic | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree with tss120. I was getting into it and my reading experience was cut short. durn. Try to add s'more onto it! It's looking pretty good.
    | Posted on 2004-11-25 00:00:00 | by brassmonkey2009 | [ Reply to This ]
      i think that this poem is too short. i was just getting into it and then it ended. try to get a little more detail next time.
    | Posted on 2004-11-25 00:00:00 | by tss120 | [ Reply to This ]
      i think the same thing. I have this like image that i build up and then i am like dang the end. cute start try to envoke some more to add to the peom.
    | Posted on 2004-11-25 00:00:00 | by jsoulgirl | [ Reply to This ]
      That poem didnt have enough, well well they say people want more but I'm no glutton keep it short to the polint to many filling up the pages with nothing but CRAP,thanks to you for the real deal,keep it up baby brother
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Forgiven | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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