I might change only the last line (I came up with maybe 10 variations), but I love this poem overall. Anyone who reads my criticisms knows I rarely gush over a piece unless it deserves it and this one paints such a glorious portrait in time that I am adding it to my very short list of favorites.
sounds to me too that you want to be this girl. maybe u want to be this girl because u admire her or shes someone really close to you. or its someone u miss and u want her back so u want to act like her. well as u can see i have the same opinion as Storm.lol. well thats all i have to say. and welcome to elites! bren
The feeling that comes through is one of wonderment... a strange sensation of entering into a surreal world and watching things evolving through someone else's eyes. This is a wonderful piece of poetry and the words flow very well. Great write.
Great first submission. I see a butterfly capturing my attention on a sweet dewy spring day...I follow her until the sun blocks her out. She'll leave me feeling closer to nature, at least until the phone rings, or some other such manmade nuisance interrupts me.
Enough here to make me look forward to your next submission. Thanks for the image.